I swallow the bile which has risen into my mouth.

‘I’m too young! You can’t make me do this!’

He smiles at me. A thin smile, which doesn’t reach his eyes.

‘Are you trying to frighten me, Vati?’

He doesn’t reply and I turn away. His words roll over in my mind, infuriating me.

His reputation.

‘Why do you have Hilda and Sophie? Is Mutti not good enough. Am I not good enough?’

‘Don’t be stupid, Herta. None of this is about you or Mutti. I love your mother very, very much, and she can never, ever know about Hilda. Her nerves couldn’t take it, especially after Karl… But sometimes a man needs more. You are a young woman. You couldn’t possibly understand. But we men, we have… needs. Needs women just don’t have.’

You have no idea about my needs, you brute! Nor any other woman’s, seeing as you aren’t one.

‘And Germany needs children,’ he continues. ‘Lots of them. It’s a man’s duty to produce as many as possible with good bloodlines. It’s too late for Mutti, but Hilda is young. Hopefully she will have many more children. Lots of sons. I know it’s a shock for you, but one day, perhaps, you will understand.’

I hold Vati’s gaze. ‘You’re right, Vati. Mutti would be devastated, destroyed, if she ever found out. But your secret is safe with me.’

He manages a weak smile.

‘I promise you, I will not tell a soul about your mistress and your other daughter if you arrange for Walter and his father and uncle to be released.’

‘I’ve already said that is out of the question.’

‘Besides, if others were to find out, how would that look, against your Moral Crusade in the Leipziger? It would look especially bad, wouldn’t it, if it were to come to light that your own daughter had sullied her blood with a Jew? Those false rumours could be stoked…’

Vati’s eyes drill into mine, small and ice blue, pale and wet. I won’t be bowed by them.

‘You’re blackmailing me,’ he says at last, his face reddening. ‘My own daughter. That Jew-boy is something to you!’

How I long to tell him the truth, ache to see the shock and horror on his face.

‘No.’ I speak carefully, using every ounce of strength to keep my voice steady. I cannot give away the turmoil inside. ‘He is engaged to be married to a girl in England. But it doesn’t matter what I say, does it? If you plan to punish me and send me to this… this Lebensborn place, then what choice do you leave me? I have to protect myself. They won’t want someone with sullied blood. And if that means telling Mutti and the world about you, as well as lying about myself, then I will.’

‘You know what they would do to you, Herta? If they think you have had relations with this boy? They will shave your head and parade you through town. They will lock you up, throw away the key. Is that what you want?’