‘Do you really have to ask?’

‘Walter?’

I nod and begin to cry. Big, fat tears. They never seem to end.

She’s beside me, her arms around me and I sob into her shoulder.

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘I couldn’t. I was so ashamed. I hoped it would just – go away.’

‘But – but how far are you?’

‘Nearly five and a half months.’

‘For the devil’s sake, Hett, how did you keep it hidden?’

‘Desperation.’

She sinks onto the bed and stares at me. ‘You should have told me,’ she murmurs. ‘I could’ve helped.’

‘How? What could you have done? I’m doomed. That’s all there is to it.’

‘What d’you mean, doomed?’

My nose is running and I search for a clean handkerchief in my top drawer. Finding it, I blow my nose and sit next to Erna on the bed.

‘When Vati found out, I thought he was going to kill me, I really did, he hit me so hard…’

‘Oh no, that’s awful!’

I show her the scab and the remaining lump on the side of my head. ‘If Tomas hadn’t walked in at that moment, I really think he would have done.’

‘Tomas? I thought he was staying away.’

‘He wrote and said he’d had enough of that, and he wanted to take me out for lunch. Anyway, he turned up in the middle of this almighty row and announced the baby was his.’

‘What? Why?’

‘Exactly. He’s… not right in the head. He thinks I’m some kind of fallen angel who needs saving. He told Vati he’ll marry me. At first, I was relieved. I mean, I don’t want to marry Tomas, but I thought that if it meant Walter’s baby would be safe, and if we could live together as a family, well, I could make that work.’ I gulp. Take a breath. ‘But he told me I have to give the baby up. Put it in an orphanage… He said he couldn’t bear to raise a mischling child. He’s forcing me to give it away!’ I begin to cry again. ‘How can I bear to do that? I hate him, I loathe the sight of him – and now I have to marry him!’

‘No, you don’t. You don’t have to marry anyone, Hetty, not if you don’t want to,’ Erna says, putting her arm around me again.

‘But I do. If I marry Tomas, I’ll save myself, but sacrifice my baby. If I try to go it alone, what then? Vati will disown me. I’ll have no money, no way of supporting us. Besides, without proof the father is of pure German blood…’ I don’t bother to finish the sentence.