Chapter 44: Gemma

We find a bench overlooking the grey water, brushing away the pools of rain before sitting down.

‘OK, that guy was Vaughn Parr and I’ve met him once before, a long time ago. Though Angelica doesn’t know that.’

I remind myself: Don’t fall for it – he lies for a living.

‘He came to the prison to tell me Angelica had given birth. She’d been meant to call me as soon as possible afterwards, but Vaughn said she’d had a very rough labour because the baby was too big for her, and that was down to me. And – well, I told you my mum died having me. I felt like it was history repeating itself. That I was to blame.’

It’s such a cruel thing to say that already I am seeing the man Dan hit differently. This is how it starts, with Dan getting my sympathy. There’s no proof that Angelica’s dad said anything of the sort. I have to try to stay detached. ‘Go on.’

‘While I was trying to process the shock of that, he told me Angelica and Casey would be better off without me. That the best thing I could do for them would be to let them go.’

I shake my head. ‘Yeah, well, I think you proved him right. You’re a violent con man who can’t even tell the truth about his own name.’

We stay silent for a while. The sun burns through the clouds, and the air smells fresher than it has in days.

He turns back towards me. ‘I was born Darryl Lennox. I changed it when I was twelve, after I went into foster care. I was already into music, identified with rebels, Sid Vicious, David Bowie, John Lennon. So I went with Dan Lennon: close enough to be easy, different enough to forget who I was.’

‘Not many kids change their name.’

‘Are you still a kid at twelve? I felt grown-up at the time, but now I see how young Casey seems . . .’ Dan’s voice cracks. ‘Do you think she’s going to be OK?’

‘It’s pretty tough finding out you’ve been lied to by someone you trust.’

He nods. ‘I always let people down in the end.’

I’m losing patience. ‘You act as if it’s out of your control. You’re not twelve any more. You have choices, and you could make better ones. It’s not that hard.’

Bear senses my irritation and pulls on his lead to get away, almost tripping up a jogger.

‘Parenting is that hard, though.’

‘Another excuse. Angelica didn’t walk away, even though she must have had doubts, too. But she stuck at it because Casey needed her.’

‘Trust me, Gemma, no kid needs someone like me in their life. I’m like my dad, and I was better off without him. So Casey will be better off without me, too.’

The more he comes out with this self-pitying BS, the angrier I feel. ‘You’ve made mistakes. We all do. But the mistakes aren’t the problem. It’s running away, instead of facing up to what you’ve done.’