‘Gemma, listen—’

‘Dan, look—’

I open my hands. ‘You first.’ It feels like the least I can do.

She inhales. It’s not just Bear’s absence that makes her different tonight. Or maybe I’d made myself forget how stunning she is, how alive.

‘So . . . I don’t understand what’s going on between you and Angelica, but I saw her at the hospital. She hates you, doesn’t she? Said some stuff about you being a liar. About how you can’t help yourself.’

‘Gemma, she’s angry with me. But I can explain why.’

‘Not yet. Let me say my bit. I’ve been planning it all afternoon. OK, you might not have told me everything. But I can’t expect that of you until I tell you everything about my life. My . . . circumstances.’

What is she talking about? Debt? Addiction? Another man?

‘I think we should sit down.’ She heads for an empty bench overlooking the big white swoop of the suspension bridge. ‘OK. There’s no real way to prepare you for this, so . . . I might be having a baby.’

‘You’re pregnant?’

She blinks. ‘I honestly don’t know yet. I can’t take a test till the weekend. And I don’t want to tempt fate, but it’s possible.’

The ringing in my ears starts up so loudly I can’t think straight. I try to focus. ‘OK. So you’re seeing someone else? As well as me?’

It shouldn’t be a shock. Gemma is normal and pretty and caring. She belongs with someone else normal and good-looking and caring. But I didn’t think she’d be two-timing them. Or me.

Bloody hell. Is this what jealousy feels like? We never really defined our relationship, but I thought we’d had an understanding.

‘I’m not seeing anyone, Dan. But I’ve been having treatment. Like IVF, except with frozen embryos. I started the latest cycle the week we met.’

Of course I know women go it alone, but Gemma still seems young to be doing that. ‘So you’re . . .’ I nod at her belly, feeling like a total idiot. ‘I mean, it might all be kicking off already. Inside?’

Gemma’s eyes widen. Kicking off inside? What am I: six years old?

Maybe I am. Maybe deep down I am a small boy who killed his mum at birth and has been hurting other people ever since.

‘Yes. It may already be happening. Or it may not.’

‘Bloody hell.’

‘You know what they say about meeting people when you’re not looking? I promise you I wasn’t looking. I tried to convince myself this – our connection – was triggered by the hormones I’ve been taking, but it’s not. The way I feel about you is real.’

Real.

She’s sitting close enough for me to reach across and touch her. But I don’t. Because my head’s full of noise.

‘Say something, please, Dan?’

‘Well, say something, Dan!’

The pregnant, bedraggled girl on my doorstep tries to sound brave, but her voice has a crack down the middle, like the rest of her could fall apart at any moment.