Chapters (56)
Asking myself such questions is as silly as a dog chasing its own tail – because how can I know? It could all be part of life’s grand plan, or it could be nothing more than a series of coincidences. The only thing I know for sure is that I am here now, and at last I have all the facts I need. And the truth, no matter how much like cuddling a cactus it might be, is as good a starting point as anyone can hope to find. From here on in, there will be no more dark spaces around me, and I can make my way forwards with hope in my heart.
I read Kit’s note again, snuffling with laughter at his gentle teasing, and his typically Kit-like turns of phrase. I am going to miss him so much – I already miss him.
My thoughts have strayed often to that evening we spent on the balcony in Oamaru, giddy on a mixture of whisky and close encounters with penguins. The breeze rolling in from across the water had lifted my freshly shorn hair and flattened it across my cheeks, and Kit, his eyes never leaving mine, had reached over to tuck the errant strands behind my ears. Such a small gesture, but one that had triggered a surge of feeling within me. I have told myself up to now that my reaction could be blamed on simple loneliness, or on alcohol taking its toll – but far from fading away, that yearning I experienced has only increased. Even as I got angry with Kit for pushing me to ride, all I really wanted was to fall against him again, just as I had on the pier amongst the seals, so that I might draw comfort from his strength, and find solace in his arms. I knew there was a chance that he would leave, but I have dared to hope that he would stay – not for me, but for himself, because I think Kit cherishes this small and exquisite corner of New Zealand even more than I do.
As he says, though, Kit made a promise a long time ago, and so he must honour it. He wouldn’t be Kit if he didn’t, and if he wasn’t, I would not love him as much as I do.
Because I do, of course.
I love him.
