‘It’s because of Anna,’ he mutters, now close to tears himself. The waitress, who was approaching to clear away our plates, takes one look at him and veers off in the opposite direction.

‘Because she would hate seeing you like this – seeing both of us like this.’

I close my eyes, and the image of my adoptive mother fills the dark space behind them. Her soft, lined face, her warm smile and those kind, fawn-coloured eyes. God, I miss her. I miss her so much that it makes my breath catch in my throat.

‘The thing is, Genie, this is killing me – seeing you in this state. I feel like I’ve lost you, as well as her, and it can’t go on. Things can’t keep on the way they are, with you so miserable and shut off from the world, and the two of us tiptoeing around each other all the time. Something has to change, don’t you see that?’

‘No,’ I reply sulkily, even though I know he’s right.

‘I know that meeting Bo—’

A glare from me makes him falter.

‘Your birth mother,’ he corrects. ‘I know she won’t become a substitute for Anna, but meeting her might help you find your way back to yourself. Haven’t you ever wondered who she might be, or what she might look like?’

‘No, I haven’t,’ I snap, although David knows as well as I do that I’m lying.

‘And you do need to get out of the house,’ he says gently. ‘Get back into the world and remind yourself that there is still plenty to live for out there.’

‘Why do I need some random stranger to help me do that?’ I demand.

‘She’s hardly that,’ he counters quietly. ‘She’s your mother.’

‘I don’t want another mother,’ I tell him, my voice rising. ‘I want my mother.’

The tears come back then, and I let them. I sit motionless as they trickle over my cheeks and down my neck. David’s eyes behind his glasses are watery, but his expression remains determined. He has his educator hat on again, but the lesson he is trying to teach me is one I already know.

I can’t have what I want, because what I want is Anna. And Anna died because of me.

2

I am fairly certain that, given the day I have just had, most people would probably cancel their evening plans. Finding out your adoptive parents have kept a huge secret from you throughout your entire life is catastrophic enough, but when you toss in the name and location of the woman who gave birth to you as well, it could surely be assumed that you would draw a line through any dates for the next month – let alone the following few hours.