‘You’re my hero,’ I hear her say, turning just in time to see her plant a kiss right on his mouth. And, was it my imagination, or did she just sneak a glance in my direction to make sure I was watching her do it?

It would have been more subtle if she’d lifted her leg and peed on him, I think wryly – and for a second or two, I consider taking Allie to one side and telling her that she has nothing to worry about. Not where I am concerned, at any rate. I’m not after a repeat of my disastrous ‘date’ with Billy a few weeks ago. That drunken sham of an evening proved to me that not only am I in no way ready for a romantic relationship with anyone, but that I have no desire for one full stop.

14

‘So, let me get this straight,’ Hayley says, taking a breath. ‘Your mum is in England?’

‘Yes.’

There’s a pause on the other end of the line.

‘And it turns out that you have a half-sister called Tui. Hang on, is that Tui as in the travel agent?’

‘I think we can assume that it refers to something else in New Zealand,’ I say, almost slicing through my hands-free headphone wire with the bread knife. While it’s dinner time where Hayley is, I’m currently busy making my breakfast in the apartment block’s shared kitchen.

‘And,’ Hayley goes on, ‘as if all that wasn’t complicated enough, you’ve also met a gorgeous man, who just so happens to know both of them.’

‘Er, excuse me?’ I protest. ‘I haven’t “met” a man – not in the way you’re insinuating.’

‘But you like him,’ Hayley points out, and I grit my teeth.

‘As a potential friend, yes.’

‘And he’s gorgeous,’ she adds.

‘I barely know the guy,’ I insist, opening the fridge and replacing the carton of eggs.

‘But you know enough to like him,’ she teases. ‘The first thing you told me after his name was how good-looking he is.’

‘I did not!’

‘OK, so I made that bit up – but I know for a fact that he’s good-looking. I can tell from how gooey your voice goes when you talk about him.’

‘Must be a poor connection,’ I counter, and she cackles.

‘Unlike the one between you and this Kit bloke, then.’

‘Hayley!’ I implore, opening a drawer in search of a whisk to mix up the eggs, but finding only a half-empty box of matches and a rusty vegetable peeler. ‘I told you – it’s not like that. He’s got a girlfriend, for God’s sake.’

‘Billy will be so upset,’ she adds. It’s clearly a joke, but one with a sting in its tail.

‘Can we drop the subject of Kit now?’ I plead, choosing to ignore the mention of Billy.