‘Like, how would they cope in the worst hotel cut off from the world?’ says Aaron, pushing forward and immediately staring up at the ceiling with me.

‘What if we go Lord of the Flies?’ says Dave; he’s spinning round looking for the camera.

‘If I was going to be on TV I’d have worn better clothes. How’s anyone supposed to see my hot body under this arctic parka?’ Yas starts to smooth her hair down and pouts her lips.

‘At least you have a coat with you,’ says Aaron. ‘These Bermuda shorts are not doing anything for the cold.’

‘They’re not doing much for your legs either.’ Dave winks.

‘I thought you liked my legs?’

‘You can tell you’ve been working out,’ says Yas, jumping in as Dave’s lips are starting to curl at the sides like he’s going to laugh.

‘I have, it’s been a goal of mine to get calf muscles.’

We all look at his legs.

‘But you know the cold shrinks them.’

‘Uh-huh, along with everything else, am I right?’ says Aaron.

‘I bet there’s no gym in this place,’ I say at the pause.

‘Gym? There’s not even enough beds,’ says Dave.

‘There’s only one,’ shouts Aaron.

‘What?’ screams Yas. ‘But if I don’t get my beauty sleep then my face goes all puffy.’

‘At least without Wi-Fi no one will be able to see you on your Instagram,’ I say, getting braver. The audience are laughing along. I’m doing this. I’m actually doing this.

‘That’s true,’ says Yas, nodding. ‘How are we all going to fit in it?’

‘Is it even big enough for one?’ asks Dave.

Aaron lies down on the floor, contorting into different shapes until he’s in the foetal position. ‘Maybe if we all slept like this.’

They all get down on the floor and curl up and I know I have to follow them.

‘You know, when I said I wanted to be in bed with two women,’ says Aaron, ‘this was not what I had in mind.’

‘Where do we complain to the manager about this?’ says Dave, standing back up.

‘Maybe that’s why they don’t have Wi-Fi so you can’t put a review on?’ says Yas. ‘Does this door even open?’

She tries to tug at an imaginary door. Aaron goes over to Yas and helps her to pull the door. Soon she’s followed by Dave, and not wanting to stand on my own, I start to tug at it too.

‘It’s no good. It’s stuck,’ says Yas.

‘Usually I dream about getting stuck on holiday, but not like this,’ I say.

‘This is definitely not holiday goals,’ says Aaron, just as the buzzer goes.

The audience breaks out into a round of applause and my whole body goes hot like it’s starting to burn. I can’t believe I just did that.