He’s so close that I can feel his breath on my cheek when he talks. It’s the closest I’ve ever been to him; he’s certainly never been this friendly with me before.

He puts his hand on the small of my back, causing me to melt at his touch. I reach out to hold onto the table beside me to stop my legs from buckling. I hate that my teenage crush still has such a hold on me.

‘I thought you weren’t coming,’ he says.

‘I’m sorry?’ I say.

‘Come and meet Dodge,’ he says, ignoring my confusion.

He takes me by the hand, leading me to his group of friends, and places me in front of one who is dressed in a lime-green Borat mankini. Out of all the costumes that I’ve seen today, this is by the far the worst assault on my eyes. I try to ignore the hair and bits of flesh popping out from where they’re not supposed to.

Max whispers something into his friend’s ear and his friend looks me up and down; a huge grin appears on his face.

He comes towards me, holding out his hand, and I don’t know what to do other than to shake it.

The rest of Max’s friends seem to have taken great interest in what’s going on and they’ve formed a circle around me. A couple of them start to shout and sing the Wonder Woman theme tune; they’re smiling and clapping and, because it seems like a good idea after my rum and Cokes, I start to join in with them, putting my hands above my head and moving my hips to the music.

The chanting starts to change and it’s hard to make out what they are saying at first, but then I hear the word ‘kit’ and then ‘tits’. Why would they want me to strip? Unless? I suddenly stop, looking down at my outfit and thinking of Max’s reference to him thinking I wasn’t coming. The fact that they’re all men in their group. The fact that he didn’t make any reference to my name or knowing who I was. Oh God. I think he thinks I’m a stripper.

The man in the Borat mankini is nodding encouragingly at me, presumably waiting for the show to start, and I look over at Max in horror.

I watch his facial expression change from one of amusement to one of confusion.

‘Wait, I know you,’ he says, taking a step forward, his eyebrows furrowed. ‘Oh my God!’ he shouts. ‘Spider, it’s you!’