‘Speaking of new starts. I was going to email this over but I thought it easier to say in person.’ She pulls a piece of paper out of her bag. ‘A friend of mine is speaking at an event for aspiring teachers looking for a career change. The speakers are all ex-professionals, like solicitors, accountants, IT workers, who have retrained. They’re offering advice and tips about the challenges of switching to teaching, as well as giving practical insight into the different training routes and the options available. I thought it might appeal to you.’ She hands me the paper with a hopeful smile on her face.

‘Oh, um, thanks.’ I take it from her, but I feel a rush of sadness at how only last week I would have jumped at this opportunity, but so much has changed since then. ‘I’ll take a look.’

She places her bag on the back seat and is about to pull away from the curb when she stops and turns back to me.

‘I thought you would have been more excited about it. Is everything OK?’

I try and put a brave smile on my face.

‘My dad almost had a heart attack recently and needed an emergency operation. He’s on the mend now; it just means he’s going to have to take it easy for a while and now’s not a good time to leave the company.’

‘Oh, your poor dad. I’m glad he’s OK though.’ She opens her mouth as if she’s going to say something else but closes it again.

‘What? You can say it, whatever it is.’ I turn to look at her and she smiles, softly.

‘I was going to say that there’s always going to be a reason not to do something. It’s never going to be a good time to retrain and start your life again. I know it’s not like you have to do it. You’ve got a lovely flat and it sounds like you’ve got a good job, so in some ways you’d probably be crazy to change.’ She pauses and I know there’s more.

‘But …’

‘But,’ she says, turning to look at me, ‘you’ve got to ask yourself, if you reached your dad’s age, would you be happy with the life you’ve led?’

The question throws me because I know the answer almost immediately. I don’t even have to reply, I’m sure she can see it written on my face. She smiles at me with compassion before she slips the car in gear and pulls away.

Her words remind me of my notes to self. When past me asked if I was happy I knew instinctively I wasn’t. If I don’t do anything to change my life then I can’t imagine future me would be any happier.