An unexpected rush of sadness comes over me. I’ve known Dave for as long as I can remember; he started work almost on day one with Mum and Dad and I can’t imagine him one day not being here.

‘Right, better get on. We’ve got a big delivery going out today.’

He gives me a pat on the shoulder as he walks away and before I can dwell on Dave retiring I hear the ping of an email notification. My heart skips a beat as it’s a note-to-future-self one. I’ve been missing my little updates and challenges.

Dear Edie,

I hope you’re good! You would not believe what happened last night – except that you would of course because you already know. I almost kissed Joel!!!! I ended up in his bed after Soph and Green Eyes the guitarist were way too loud, and I think we would have kissed properly if Soph hadn’t screamed. What happens next, Edie? I wish you could tell me as you know the next part of the story. Do we eventually kiss? Is it as phenomenal as I think it’s going to be?

I have no idea how he feels about me or whether I’m brave enough to do anything about it. We’ve only got another few weeks left here and then we’re going to be heading off in different directions, and I know we’d be naive to try long distance.

I just wish we had extra time to see what was really there, you know proper time, without work. I’ve never pulled a sicky before, but I’d be tempted to if I got to spend the day with him. And knowing you, if you’re still like me, you won’t have ever pulled one either. Edie, always playing by the rules. Never got a detention from school. Always presses the pedestrian button at the traffic lights to cross. Which brings me to this email’s note to self: bend or break the rules! Go on, be a rebel – just not too much of a rebel, I’m obviously not advocating breaking the law.

Love you oodles, Edie xx

My heart almost breaks when I read it. I remember how I felt in that moment, so full of lust and excitement that something might happen between me and Joel. Unfortunately I lived through it, I know what happened. I know that not long after, my world shattered when my mum died.