I think of Joel and our conversation down at the beach before we found out Douglas got arrested and how he’d reassured me what I felt was normal, but it doesn’t make me feel any less guilty about it.

When we leave the backstage area, Layla makes a beeline for me.

‘Congratulations, I thought you were all brilliant, but you were especially,’ she whispers, giving me a squeeze.

‘I think you’re biased but thank you.’

‘Right, first round’s on me, I’m so proud to know you all.’ She leads the way to the bar and I’m about to join them when Dad and Julie come over.

‘You were sensational,’ says Dad. ‘I couldn’t believe that was you on the stage.’

‘It was a team thing but thank you.’

‘He was so proud of you all the way through,’ says Julie, ‘and he had every reason to be. Well done.’

‘Thanks, Julie. It’s nice to see you again.’

‘You too.’

‘Are you staying for a drink?’ I ask.

‘Only if we’re not imposing?’ She looks at Dad nervously.

‘Of course not,’ I say.

‘I’m going to nip to the ladies then, I’ll meet you in the bar.’

Dad touches her back as she goes.

‘I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I was doing this tonight,’ I say after she’s left.

‘I guessed you were too nervous to have me watching. That’s why I didn’t text you beforehand to let you know we were in the audience.’

It was the perfect opportunity to correct him and tell him the truth but instead I nod along, pretending that was the case.

‘I’m glad you brought Julie along to keep you company. Seems like she’s been doing that a lot lately.’

There’s an edge to my voice that I don’t want to be there.

‘Yeah, she has. Speaking of Julie, I thought I might pin you down for that shopping date you said you’d go on. Are you free this weekend?’

‘Actually I’m not.’

‘You know, if you’re trying to get out of it, or you don’t want to go, it would be easier if you just said—’

‘No, I do want to go,’ I say, lying; the look of hurt on his face is too much. ‘It’s just that I’ve sort of organised a summer party, or more like a gathering. We’re going to play some frisbee and I was going to cook pasta for everyone. I invited Soph and the gang up for the afternoon, plus Layla and Tim, and Claudia from the Big Little Readers, and Aaron and his boyfriend said they’d stop by.’

He looks relieved that I wasn’t fobbing him off.

‘That’ll be nice. I’m glad you’re seeing more of your friends.’