We find a table in the corner and order full breakfasts and much needed coffee. ‘That food will be the make or break of this hangover,’ says Douglas.

‘I’m sure it will do you good,’ I say and Joel shoots me a look but I can’t help pitying Douglas because he looks truly awful. It’s almost like we’re assuming good cop, bad cop roles.

I’m waiting for Douglas to explain what happened but he sits there in silence, his head hanging in his hands.

‘So, what happened?’ I ask.

He pushes his hands over the back of his head and sits up straight.

‘Just a misunderstanding.’

I’m waiting for him to elaborate, but he carries on sitting there like we haven’t spent the last hour going out of our minds with worry.

‘Mate,’ says Joel, leaning forward, ‘I got a phone call from a police officer this morning to come and get you from the station after you committed possible ABH and all you’re going to say is that it was a misunderstanding?’

Douglas sighs heavily like it’s a big inconvenience and the waitress brings over our coffees.

‘Thank you,’ I say, sliding the black coffee in front of Douglas, followed by the sugar bowl.

‘Douglas.’ Joel’s starting to lose it.

‘Fine,’ says Douglas with a tut. ‘I was on my way to meet you guys and the train was delayed at Waterloo. So I stopped in for a couple of drinks and I missed the train I was supposed to get. Then I eventually got a train and took a bottle of wine along with me for the journey. By the time I made it to Westerly, there weren’t any taxis so I thought I’d pop into the pub next door whilst I waited for one and I had a couple of drinks there. I went out for a smoke in the garden and I guess I fell asleep. And the next thing I knew some guy was inches from my face so I punched him.’

I gasp, never pegging him as the violent type.

‘I obviously wouldn’t have punched him ordinarily, but he was in my face and I was asleep and very drunk.’

‘He was probably just trying to make sure you were still alive,’ says Joel, shaking his head.

‘So he said. But at the time I didn’t know what he was doing. I thought he was trying to steal my wallet or take advantage of me. I was just defending myself.’

‘Did you hurt him?’ I ask.

‘They thought at the time I might have broken his nose.’ He at least has the humility to hang his head in shame at this point.

‘And did you?’

‘They don’t think so. The landlord called the paramedics after he phoned the police and they told him to have an X-ray just to make sure, but they didn’t think it was broken.’