She wonders how to fill her day. She’s got an endless list of things to do, but absolutely no motivation to do any of them; constructing two perfect children before 8.15 a.m. has exhausted her goodwill in the domesticity department. She can usually postpone the dreary reality of life on a Friday because she and Beth always have a coffee together after drop-off. But of course, Princess Beth is too tired to socialise after her late-night misadventure. She’ll probably be lying in bed, feeding herself age-defying goji berries as she reflects on what a saint she is.

‘Saskia, you’re such a bitch,’ she murmurs to herself, although with a smile because it’s not a label she’s ever had a problem with. Beth is her best friend and of course she loves her; they have fun together, especially if there’s a bottle of bubbly involved to loosen Beth up. She’ll invite her over for kids’ tea, Saskia resolves, with a glass of wine of course. It’s the least she can do after Beth’s stressful evening.

Taking another sip of coffee, she slides her phone open and wonders which social media account to get lost in for the next half an hour or so. She clicks into Instagram first, but closes it a second later; she’s already had enough of beautiful mums with perfect homes and seemingly no financial constraints for one morning. She hovers her thumb over the Twitter icon next, but she’ll need another coffee before venturing into that arena. So eventually she chooses MyNeighbour. There are the usual uncontroversial posts with legions of incensed comments underneath, and the worn-out cyclist vs motorist vs pedestrian debate. Saskia skirts over the dog poo posts – not relevant, she’s way too selfish to fulfil her children’s dreams – and the posts that pit her socialist values against her maternal instincts (kids mugging kids is both a social injustice and a terrible crime). But the post about a man chasing away an opportune Amazon package thief gives her an idea.

Saskia giggles as she hits ‘new post’ and decides how to start her story. Beth is going to get the adulation anyway, so it may as well be on Saskia’s terms. And this way, she might get a slice of the glory too, as the pen behind the most exciting news to reach their area since Rosie Huntington-Whiteley moved in. Beth didn’t give much detail this morning, but once Saskia starts typing, she finds it doesn’t matter too much. As a journalist, she was a meticulous fact checker, so it’s a joy to be able to stretch the truth a little in the barely regulated world of social media.