I didn’t hear what she said and in the midst of the confusion, embarrassment and shame, I wondered what Raghu had gifted her.

‘I didn’t even want to invite her for the party, you know. I just called her because I wanted Raghu to come,’ Esha’s words rang clearly, as though she was standing in front of me.

My heart sank as pity and shame combined in me.

Just then, the lights came back on.

6

Five years ago

For as long as I live, I would never forget that moment. The utter humiliation of being found under the table in the clubhouse.

Esha and Tara looked at me in surprised horror. Raghu was not under any of the tables but I could see him standing nearby.

I didn’t want to see his face. I didn’t want to see anyone’s face. I just wanted to die. I was breathing heavily and I didn’t think it could possibly get any worse than this.

But it did.

I tried to come out from under the table and then realized I couldn’t because I was stuck.

It felt like time had slowed. I squeaked out to Raghu for help. He was frozen for a second before he bent to pull me out. My face turned red as I exerted myself, and tried to come out. To complete my humiliation, Esha and Tara joined in as well to pull me out. It felt like their fingers were digging into my flesh and I shrank away but there was no place to go.

My ungainly body, my shameful and disgusting body was defeating me every moment. Huffing loudly, I got out, scraping my shoulders and my back. My face was red as an overripe tomato that was about to burst any moment. Raghu’s expression was blank.

I looked down, unwilling to meet anyone’s gaze as I walked away, pretending I still had some dignity left.

Once I left the clubhouse, I ran and didn’t stop until I reached my apartment. Only then did I see that I was still holding the return gifts in my hand.

I didn’t want to talk to anyone but I had to give Raghu’s gift to him. I couldn’t face him. Not now.

Obviously, he was embarrassed to be my friend.

I walked straight into the guestroom where Aunty V and Raghu were staying. Aunty V was reading a book and looked at me surprised.

‘Hey, what’s up?’

‘Nothing, Aunty V. This is Raghu’s. He forgot it at the party,’ I said quickly and I walked away. I was surprised I could talk normally. My throat felt like I had swallowed several pointy, sharp objects—raw and scraped—and it hurt to speak.

‘Haan, but where is he?’ she asked.