I wanted to shake him hard, but he’d withdrawn and I felt like I couldn’t reach out to him. Why did I open my big mouth? Why couldn’t I have kept quiet? I didn’t know what to do. I was sure that if I said something now, I would reveal just how much I liked him. And then he would become even more uncomfortable and my extremely fragile self-esteem would get completely demolished.

I folded my arms across my chest and inched away from him. He sat beside me stiffly, his posture mirroring mine. Both of us were looking at the TV screen.

A lion was chasing a buffalo which turned around and tried to trample him. The lion sank his teeth into the buffalo’s neck.

24

I woke up with a start. Where was I?

It came back in a rush—Ma, the hospital, the baby and . . . Raghu. I pushed my hair back from my face and stretched to ease out the knots in my neck—and realized I had fallen asleep on his shoulder. I straightened myself immediately and looked at him. He was asleep too. Thank god!

Heart still pounding, I checked the time. It was 3 a.m.

I got up slowly, my neck still hurting, and saw that Papa was sleeping on a chair nearby.

A nurse went inside Ma’s room holding a machine and anxiety hit me hard. Was something wrong? I followed the nurse inside the room, my eyes adjusting to the light inside.

Ma and Aunty V were both awake. Ma was lying down. Aunty V appeared tired, but smiled at me and beckoned me with a nod. I sat down on the attendant’s bed beside her, and watched the nurse hook up the machine to Ma.

‘What’s she doing?’ I whispered.

‘Wait and watch,’ Aunty V whispered back. ‘Or rather, listen.’

A loud dhub, dhub, dhub sound filled the air. It was strong, persistent and reassuring—the baby’s heartbeat!

The nurse smiled, disconnected the machine and took it away.

‘Why is she doing that at three in the morning?’ I asked, my own heart beating loudly. I had just heard my sibling’s heartbeat and suddenly, this person had become more real to me than when I had seen it on the ultrasound.

‘They’re monitoring the baby’s heartbeat every hour,’ Aunty V explained.

‘And? Is it fine?’ I asked, going closer to Ma.

Ma nodded with a weak smile.

‘But you wouldn’t have been able to sleep at all!’

‘We’ll sleep when we get back home,’ Aunty V reassured me. ‘Do you want to sleep here on the bed for a while? You guys should have gone home.’

I shook my head. But I didn’t want to go back outside yet. Raghu was there.