“It was not a huge number, but it was too many. I’m sick. And I’m sorry. For everything.”

“Are you going to go to jail?”

My dad stopped moving. “I don’t think so. My punishment is more likely to be of the financial variety,” he said. “Punitive damages. And, of course, the incalculable damage to my reputation, not to mention my brand.”

His brand? His reputation? What about our reputation?

Then we stopped talking. I thought of all the times my dad was so funny and made me and my friends laugh. How it was like a celebrity had stopped by our house when he was home. How everyone wanted to be around him, especially when his show was popular. How he swam with me and Kate sometimes, and took us to Holland and England and brought us along to meet celebrities. I was so proud of my dad. He was amazing. He was never mean to us or to my mom.

I used to have a good life and I used to have a cool dad.

Now I had this. My eyes weren’t wet anymore. I was dried up like an old sandwich.

“We’ll get through this,” said my dad. “I’m going to make everything right. I’m just glad it wasn’t worse. Nothing was done that can’t be undone.”

Tell that to Isbell and Missy Stephenson and the other ladies. Tell that to Larry and me and Kate and my mom.

I stopped listening. I just wanted to go home. To Stony Butte.

“I have to go, Dad,” I said. The word “dad” sounded strange in my ears. Like a dead word.

He stood up. He smelled sour. He never smelled like that before. He came around the table and hugged me. I patted his back and felt bad for him. I felt bad for me too, even though I was a dried-up sandwich now.

So that’s it, I guess. Can’t think of much more to say.

Take care. And I’m sorry, man. I really am.

Rodney

29

Hey, Lar,

I’m nearly done with this. I promise.

After I left the room, my sister went in to talk to him, and after she was done, my mom went in. No one stayed too long. He came out and hugged all of us before we left, and I wondered if my mom and sister noticed that he didn’t smell so hot and sort of hoped they didn’t.

It was hard to imagine him and my mom together because she was in 3-D full color and he was a faded poster someone left on a lamppost for too long. I kind of knew then that they wouldn’t ever be together again.