We’d been at Chase Clinic for less than an hour and it felt like the longest year of my life.

I probably don’t need to tell you I’m taking a break due to how I’m feeling about everything. I’m blue, man. Blue all the way through.

Whatever.

Rodney

22

Hey, Larry Who Will Never Read This and Who I Am Mad At,

Here’s what happened in the rest of the visit. Not that anyone cares.

My dad looked just the same as he did the last time. Hard to believe it was only three weeks ago. It felt like a year but also like we never left. Maybe a bit hairier. His sort-of-beard was longer, and he had on his favorite button-up sweater and his old Star Wars T-shirt. He says he has no plans to grow out of his style. My sister used to try to steal the shirt, but he always stole it back. That was back when things were good.

He was at the head of the table. My mom and I sat on his left and my sister sat on his right. Cavendish and Lavender sat against the wall, I guess because they aren’t family.

I tried to sit beside them, but Elizabeth said I needed to sit at the table.

“Rodney,” said my dad. “Hey, my guy. I’ve missed you.”

“Thanks, Dad,” I said. “Me too.”

“Welcome, everyone,” said the rutabaga in his announcer voice. “Our goal here today is to open the channels of communication. Let’s start by talking about how we’re doing.”

Kate stared at him in her meanest way. “We?” she said, even though she wasn’t supposed to be talking.

“It’s a figure of speech,” said Elizabeth. “But we’re glad to hear your voice.”

Kate went quiet again.

“This is about you guys. We’re just here as facilitators,” said the rutabaga.

“There are more facilitators than family, if you count us,” said Cavendish. Lavender nodded.

“We’re going to have to ask you girls not to interrupt,” said the rutabaga.

“Fine!” said Cavendish. She mimed turning a key in front of her face.

Rutabaga looked at my mom. “Would you like to start?”

My mom took a deep breath. She didn’t look at my dad when she talked.

“I feel angry and hurt and confused. And ashamed, Jeremy. I feel very ashamed.”

My shoulders got all tense. Even my knees started to hurt.

“You have nothing to feel—” said my dad, but rutabaga stopped him.

“Let her finish, please.”

“I know I have nothing to be ashamed of. But there it is,” said my mom. “Our lives have been turned upside down. The damage you’ve done to us is incalculable. And those other women, women I know. Women I care about. I feel like I should have known. Like there’s something I could have done. Which means that I also feel guilty.”