“What I did was not in the least acceptable and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I really am sick at what my actions have done to your mother, who is the finest woman I know. And what I’ve done to you kids. I don’t have a better explanation. I got carried away. With my feelings. I’ve always had a lot of feelings.”

My eyes were more than just wet now. My nose was running and I wiped at it with the back of my hand.

My dad handed me a tissue from the box on the table.

“I made Isbell and some interns feel unsafe and uncomfortable. I did damage to their careers with my comments. With my behavior. I crossed the line with a guest. I betrayed your trust and theirs. I could not be more sorry, and in the future I will do better. If I get a chance.”

“Did you hurt Isbell?” I said. My whole body felt like it was on fire and being pricked with needles, and I didn’t completely know what I meant by hurt but I also didn’t want to know.

Van Johnson’s song rang in my ears.

Creeperman. My dad was a creeperman.

“No, of course not. Well, not…I didn’t physically hurt her. I made suggestions. I said things in fun. Some of it was a joke.”

Some of it. I thought about the boys at school saying things about the girls in their shorts and I felt sick.

My dad stared at his knees. “I thought I deserved to express myself. Express my feelings. I wasn’t thinking. Some of my, uh, physical affection was not welcome. I should not have touched anyone without asking first.”

Touched. My dad had touched people. I couldn’t look at him.

“Isbell is Larry’s mom, Dad.”

“And she was my employee. I know I made a terrible mistake. Mistakes. That’s why I’m here, trying to get to the bottom of it. Find out what makes me—what made me—behave in such a way. I think it must be something that happened in my childhood. My parents’ relationship—”

“How many ladies?” I asked.

“What?”

“How many ladies did you do this to?”

“Rodney, these days females of the species prefer to be called women,” he said and then stopped. My dad used to be one of those guys who told other guys not to be sexist. His words got hung up in my brain like plastic bags stuck in trees.

“How many?” I asked.

“I behaved in a misguided way with a, uh, number of women,” he said. “Some of them didn’t discoura…No. That’s not true. I shouldn’t have done it, no matter that some of the women clearly found me attractive.”

I felt something tear. Dads shouldn’t say stuff like this to their kids.