Her therapist sighs. “Or that. And if that’s genuinely what you want, I’d be all for it! I have clients who are aromantic or asexual, and there’s nothing wrong with identifying as such. But, Celeste, we both know you’re not one of them. I’m not encouraging you to jump into a relationship with your ex. By all means, please don’t. However, I feel like it’ll be good for you to just catch up with Gemma, if she’s up for it. She seems special to you in a way that no one else ever was, to the point that you haven’t been able to move on from her for almost ten years.”

“Ten?” Celeste balks, sitting up from her seat.

“Right.” Dr. Espinosa checks her notes. “Well, it’s more like a little over nine, since it’s January, and it was December when you first left Gemma. But I’m rounding up in the spirit of the New Year. And it might get to ten if you let things stay the same from now until December.”

Celeste adds “the relentless passage of time” to her list of discussion topics for their next session.

“You deserve happiness, Celeste,” her therapist says, firmly but gently. “I know it’s scary to go for the things you want, especially after you’ve grown up in environments that tell you that you don’t deserve to live the life you want to live. But isn’t it better to be scared and take a shot at happiness, instead of avoiding it all the time?”

Back home at her desk, Celeste stares at the project listing again. After how things ended between them—and how she disappeared from Gemma’s life, once again—Celeste has no idea if Gemma even wants to hear from her again. But there’s no harm in just talking to her and seeing how she’s doing, is there? Especially if something did happen to her and her family?

Thinking back to her therapist’s advice, Celeste formulates a plan. Rather than send a text that could potentially go embarrassingly unanswered, she’ll meet Gemma face-to-face. And what better way to meet Gemma than to apply for this job that she’s really interested in?

“Throw the ball in her court,” Dr. Espinosa had said.

If no one responds to her application, then that’ll be that. Celeste will take it as a sign that Gemma isn’t interested in talking with her at all.

Celeste is terrified. But she tells her agent to submit her for the job.

41: Gemma

I’ve pretty much settled into my new job and my new life when I come across an application with a familiar-looking portfolio on my desk.