Before she leaves the studio, Celeste pops into the restroom upstairs to wash her face with ice-cold water. In the mirror, she looks pale, almost like a vampire with her bloodred lips and dark circles. She’d done her best to cover up her exhaustion with makeup, but now, at the end of the day, her face looks haggard, and there’s visible stress wrinkles around her eyes. She hadn’t been able to get much sleep ever since she first ran into Gemma at the bar, back when she was with Gretchen.

Celeste gets out her phone and goes to the conversation she has with her most recent ex, where the last sent text was Gretchen inviting her out for “the best pumpkin spice cocktails in the city.” Celeste had eagerly thumbs-upped the message, since she loves seasonal drinks of any kind. And without much thought, she’d naively gone to the address the other woman had shared, excited to have a good time.

If she’d known it’d be an ambush where Gretchen would accuse her of leading her on, even though Celeste very clearly told her from the very beginning she only does casual, she never would have gone. Especially not if she’d known she’d run into her college ex.

As her thoughts wander back to Gemma, Celeste pauses. Does she really regret running into Gemma, though? Sure, it’s been a hell of a lot awkward to see her again, but when she really thinks about it, it’s also been kind of nice. Although it was fucking painful when they were doing it, now that they’ve talked about the past and apologized to each other, she’s been feeling substantially lighter.

But still, Celeste reminds herself, that doesn’t mean she should fully let her guard down.

She taps her phone screen and deletes the conversation she had with Gretchen. That’s the problem with friends with benefits. A lot of times, people catch feelings, whether they want to or not.

14: Gemma

I spend most of Saturday visiting apartments and shared houses, but almost all of them are either out of my budget (with all the hidden fees included), a public health concern, or have roommates or neighbors that I’m not too sure about.

By the time I return to my friends’ apartment at the end of the day, I’m exhausted.

Maybe I should keep living with Val and Kiara, I think.

Val had mentioned the other night the real possibility of us all getting a bigger apartment together when their lease ends in the spring, so I could have my own room and Val and Kiara could have theirs. After today, it sounds like the dream, but I also don’t want to push it. My friends—and Burrito—love their current apartment. They’ve been here for the last several years. I don’t want them to change where they live because of me.