She nods in acknowledgment before looking up from her drink. The sudden heat in her eyes is so intense that I’m taken aback as she says, “And as for why I didn’t reach out later… honestly, I didn’t even know you cared that much. You blocked me on social media and were already dating someone else four months after I left.”

8: Gemma

For a second, I’m shocked to hear that Celeste knows about James. In my head, the two of them exist in separate universes. But we all went to the same school and had some of the same friends. Of course Celeste heard about him.

“Did Kayla tell you?” I ask.

“Yes. I still talk to her from time to time. She also told me you got engaged recently. Although I guess you aren’t anymore, since you were on a first date with another guy.”

In retrospect, I shouldn’t have been surprised. It’s been several years since Kayla and I have had an actual conversation, but we still follow each other on social media, liking each other’s posts from time to time. And as her former roommate for two years, Kayla was always more Celeste’s friend than mine.

I let out a quick breath to reorient myself. My thoughts are all jumbled up together, but I start from the first thing Celeste mentioned and take it step by step. “You’re right. I did block you on social media. That was childish of me, and I apologize. I was young, and I was hurting a lot, and that’s the best way I could think of coping. And it’s true that I moved on quickly from you, I admit that. But, Celeste, you didn’t tell me you were coming back. You didn’t tell me anything at all, no matter how much I reached out in the first couple of months. The only reason I even knew you were still alive is because the little ‘1’ disappeared on KakaoTalk every time you read my messages.”

Celeste’s eyebrows knit together. For a moment, I think she’s going to keep being mad at me. But then she takes a deep breath and exhales softly.

“I’m sorry I ghosted you,” she finally says. “The first few months back were hell for me. My emotions were all over the place, and I was in so much pain that I lashed out at the people who loved me the most. It was to the point that my best friend in Seoul almost disowned me. Luckily, he didn’t, but I didn’t want to say the wrong thing and accidentally hurt you, too. In retrospect, I should have just said something simple like ‘Hi, I’m still alive. Will reach out later.’ Hindsight is a bitch. Other than that, well, I naively assumed…”

She trails off and downs the remainder of her beer.

“Assumed what?”