I resolve to not tell my friends about today. At least, not yet. I only just started feeling normal again. I don’t want to completely shatter when I try to tell them about what I saw at work. Everything’s still so raw.

Instead, when Kiara comes back, I announce, “So I downloaded dating apps. I’ve decided to try casual dating.”

“Yay!” Kiara exclaims, at the same time Val asks, “You what? And how’s that going?”

“Oh, um, I haven’t tried any of them yet.” I’m taken aback, since I’d assumed both Kiara and Val wanted me to get out there and meet new people.

“Wait, I thought you wanted me to date around,” I say to Val. “Since you said that thing about the hot photographer.”

“I do, but I was talking more in terms of in-person hookups. Dating apps… however.” She winces. “Let’s just say you’re in for a wild ride.”

I don’t know what she means until I finish making my profile and start swiping on the first app. For the first hour or so, it’s fun. I select the setting to show me people of all genders, and I have fun flipping through everyone’s profiles. Then, I try another app, marveling at the similarities to and differences from the previous one.

By the time my friends retire into their bedroom, though, my fingers hurt. My vision is blurry. Head pounding, I flip through the people I’ve already matched with. Some have already sent me messages, but most of them are unfortunately very cringey. I openly mentioned I’m bi on my profile, which seemed like a good idea at the time. But I deeply regret it now, since a good chunk of the messages in my inbox are asking about threesomes.

I’m not necessarily opposed to threesomes, and maybe if I were more adventurous or still in my early twenties, I’d actually have joined one. But there’s something very icky about the fact that people just assumed I was into threesomes because I’m bisexual, like my sexuality is a porn category and not intrinsically part of my identity.

Somehow, being bi makes dating apps worse. Sure, I get to flip through hot people of multiple genders, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I get more quality matches.

With a frustrated growl, I toss my phone to the opposite side of the couch. Is this really what modern technology has come to? All these innovations and we still haven’t found a more effective way to meet people? No wonder we get so many questions about online dating on our advice column.

I’m about to call it a night when my phone buzzes. It’s a notification from one of the apps. Most of the messages that aren’t directly asking for a threesome are just “hey” or “how’s it going?” but this one looks promising.