11:27am: cats are in car. Got the impression dad is leaving most things I asked to bring and bringing things I don’t want or aren’t mine. Picturing Zachary and Jamie acting cozy/domestic in the video I saw last night. She doesn’t like his long hair or glasses. His hair was pulled back in the video and he wasn’t wearing glasses. I’m weak. Stupid. Cats are howling. Raining. They are confused about how fast the car is moving and all of the noises, I think.

11:52am: dad and Debbie passed on the left, smiling and waving.

12:00pm: kitties in kitty hell aka kitty carriers on front seat of car. Texted/responded to a lot of low-priority emails fast. Have to pee.

12:24pm: peeing in rest stop. Wearing pre-9/11 panties I’ve had since high school. They’re white with a lavender graphic of the NYC skyline, featuring the World Trade Center. Didn’t realize thematic appropriateness as I was dressing for success this morning. Two toilet seat liners have been blowing into, through, and past stall, tumbleweed-like, during this pee session.

1:10pm: have been thinking things like ‘how did I decide to do this, how is this happening, this is a mistake, what else could I be doing, what the fuck am I doing.’ Have to pee again.

2:38pm: nearing NYC. Anxious re amount of stuff I’ve accumulated, finding places for it, throwing it away. Liveblog. I wanted to write or something, is that what all of this is about? Unable to ‘place’ what I’m doing right now, like, compare it to other events, this doesn’t feel real, the only person I’m romantically interested in lives far away and we haven’t talked in a long time and what does that say, I don’t know what I want to have happen to me, where will I find internet, I don’t want to be out of control with drugs, what will happen to mom and dad, where will I pee, the pee needs to happen soon.

2:54pm: figured out how to situate 32oz burger king cup under crotch. It might come to this. Going 5mph Jesus okay speeding up now you got this Boyle you got this.

2:56pm: oh god these bumps in the road are killer, lighting cigarette as distraction, fuck you red bull, whole lot of good you did, way to get me here, christ, ‘at least i’m awake (!?!?!?)’ is that the moral of you, red bull????

3:02pm: six exits away you got this Boyle

3:04pm: omg it’s stop and go again this is hell pee hell four exits away ok 35mph