5:21am: Dreading returning to dad’s big time. Wherever I drive I’m just getting closer. The security guard will be there and he will write something on a clipboard and say ‘have a good night.’ seems terrible, what this will be now. He will be smiling and his teeth will be…he has fake teeth, they are the only young-looking thing about him. When I started liveblog I felt this thing I’m feeling now only I knew I always had two places to stay, and a person I liked to talk to.

Mouth is dry, maybe from adderall alcohol combo.

Interesting thing: I have been receiving more contact from strangers and less from friends.

5:44am: I don’t remember the past two days as two separate days

Shirley awake now

Listening to ‘into the shadows of my embrace’ by why?

Displaced or misplaced

Driving on unfamiliar road

5:58am: Pulled into parking spot at dad’s. Don’t want to be in the same time unit as what I have been for past however many hours. Sleep. When I wake: take the rest of my things to storage unit, drop computer off at macmedics to repair, respond to emails.

6:03am: Can hear birds. Still in car. Sky looks bluer. Feel something indescribable right now. Like I don’t know…what’s…I don’t know. Looking at dad’s apartment building.

6:39am: Fed cats. Wrote dad a note asking to borrow his computer. Don’t know where my toothbrush or pajamas are, know there are things in boxes in storage unit but I forget what they are or if they’re important. Sitting on floor in Dad’s apartment. Alvie seems unquietable. Wish I knew what to do. Ate 2mg Xanax. Alvie is annoyingly unquietable right now. I pet him and call him over and he keeps scratching inside his litter box and howling, kind of. Don’t know what to do. Tomorrow I’m going to wake at some time but it will still be today. Zachary will be doing things. So will everyone. Need to find visitor parking thing for my car.

7:00am: woke dad to see where visitor parking slips were. They’re strict about towing cars without slips. Gated community. I’ve been towed. Ate 2mg Xanax.

7:33am: ate 1mg Xanax.

2:03pm: Woke feeling like I had slept forever and not at all. Room was dark. Thought ‘6pm? No might even be like, 11am.’ Shirley was on my leg, turning to find a place to sit/purr. Shirley: the only calming presence in my life who wants to be touched as much as I do.