‘Wow, that’s quite an admission,’ Jamie says and his eyes are soft.

‘Well, I’ve had a lot of time to think about it. But the point I’m making is that you’ve always been enough. More than enough. Just as you are. Just as you are right now. If you only knew, Jamie, how much I love you and how sorry I am …’ She can’t say any more. The tears are coming too fast and she cries out, cross with herself. ‘And I’m making this about me, when it’s not about me.’

He stands and folds her into his arms. His chest is bony, his neck sinewy, but he’s her boy. ‘It’s OK. I’m here. We’ve got each other.’

And he’s crying too now and they both weep and weep until they start laughing and then Jamie gets up to try and find some tissues. It feels as if they’ve been tumbled over in a wave by the time they give up on the tissues and wash their face with cold water in the sink. It feels like that moment when she first went in the sea with Helga. The cold water feels like a baptism of sorts.

‘I guess we’ve got a lot to unpick,’ she says. ‘That’s all I’m saying.’

‘Well, yeah. We’ve made a start, right?’

‘I guess so.’ She nods and smiles. And there he is. A flash of her boy and she recognises an emotion she’d forgotten about – but now it hits her squarely. It’s pride. Because this is the kid who always used to make her believe he could do anything. Maybe he still can.

‘So … first things first. Let’s start with the breakfast of champions,’ Jamie says, walking to the pan.

‘Good idea. I’m bloody starving.’

49

The Betting Shop

Tor calls Maddy after work. She wants to tell her how happy Vic is that Maddy and Jamie have been reunited. She agrees to pop round to Maddy’s flat for a cup of tea in the morning.

She arrives and knocks on the door, shocked to find someone as glamorous as Maddy living in such chaos. There are cardboard boxes everywhere.

‘Hey.’ Tor smiles at Maddy’s son. He’s looking significantly better than the last time she saw him. He’s in clean jeans and a T-shirt. He’s shaved too and cut his hair. Apart from being thin, you’d never guess he’d been through such a trauma. ‘I’ve heard so much about you, Jamie.’

‘Tor is the one who runs the charity,’ Maddy explains to her son.

‘One of the Sea-Gals?’ Jamie checks and she nods.

Tor wonders if he remembers that she was the first one on the pier. She decides not to remind him.

‘Can you come for a swim? Claire is heading down soon. I thought I’d join her.’

In the small kitchenette, Maddy talks to Tor in a hushed whisper. ‘I can’t. Not this morning. Jamie wants to go back to the squat he was living in. To collect his bag, but I’m scared to let him out of my sight. He doesn’t want me to go with him. He says it’s too awful for me to see. I don’t know what to do.’