Because Chris wasn’t alone when he died. Alison was holding his hand. Hearing the selflessness of his last words only makes her love him more, but it’s also lifted some of the guilt she’s been carrying – about her being the one to live, when he had died. Somehow, hearing about his last moments has made him feel more alive and real than he’s been in her mind for months. The cwych from beyond the grave has given her strength.

‘I will carry on,’ she says aloud. ‘I will, Chris. I promise.’

42

Caught Out

Maddy and Matteo have been in and out of each other’s apartments since she came back from Cobham and they slept together that first night. She’s unsure what exactly is going on between them, but the sex is amazing. It’s feels so exotic to be having such an unexpected affair that she often finds she’s giggling to herself.

Matteo comes up now from underneath his duvet and grins at her. She has to hand it to him: he’s great at giving head.

‘That was possibly the best way to start my birthday,’ she says. ‘Thank you.’

He kisses her. ‘I have to go to work,’ he says, ‘but I’ll come back at lunchtime. Shall we picnic in the park?’

She watches as he gets up and puts on the shower, then, smiling, she gets up and joins him and they make love in the steam. So much for being menopausal, she thinks. Her libido seems to have returned with a vengeance.

When he’s gone, she goes back to her apartment and puts out the message for the others to join her for a birthday swim. Then she goes online, seeing if there’s any emails about Jamie. She hoped when she woke up this morning that today would be the day. Finding him, after all, is the only present she wants.

She arrives at the beach in a good mood, but it’s weird without Helga, and when Dominica recounts how vulnerable she was at the hospital, Maddy feels terrible. Claire has brought a cake to celebrate her birthday, but they’re all rather subdued and she doesn’t tell them about how glorious her time with Matteo has been. It feels too cheeky. Too indulgent.

She meets Matteo at twelve and they stroll to the sandwich shop. Usually on her birthday, she has lunch in a swanky restaurant in town with Lisa and her friends, but this feels just as lovely.

When they get to the park with their brown paper bag full of lunch, the horse chestnuts are in full bloom and Luna gives chase to a baby squirrel. They choose a patch of grass and Matteo lays out his jacket in the daisies for Maddy. She unwraps the sandwiches they’ve bought.

Matteo’s tanned hairy legs are stretched out in front of him. She flips off her shoes and crosses her feet and rocks them towards his.

‘Are you OK?’ she asks. ‘You seem quiet.’

‘I wasn’t going to tell you, but it’s been confirmed this morning.’