Because it shouldn’t be. Why the feck can’t they feed themselves if they’re hungry? Why is everything always down to her? She’s had enough.

Pim, shocked away from his screen, looks up at her with confusion. ‘Claire?’

‘I’m going to have a bath.’

‘Mum?’ Felix asks. ‘What’s for dinner?’

‘Ask your father,’ she says and she stomps up the stairs, feeling their shocked stares on her back, but she doesn’t care. It’s time they started to respect her.

28

Equinox

It’s a crisp, blue-sky morning, it being early, and Helga can see other groups on the beaches towards Hove. She’s noticing more swimmers now that spring is in the air. Little Luna is curled up on Dominica’s coat on the shore, guarding their things. Tor comes down the stones, waving a piece of paper.

‘Did you get one of these?’ she asks.

‘What is it?’ Helga asks.

‘They were handing them out by the steps.’

Helga reads the leaflet asking people to join in the beach clean. Maddy takes it and then gives it to Claire.

‘We’ll do that,’ Claire says. ‘I’m very happy to join in.’

She gives it to Dominica, who nods. ‘Me too.’

Maddy is getting changed and is sporting a stylish speedo suit. She twists up her hair and expertly pulls on her swimming hat.

‘How lovely to feel the sun on my skin,’ she says. ‘I always used to be terrified of stripping off on the beach, but it’s not as cold as you’d expect.’

‘Yes, there’s brighter days ahead,’ Helga says, pointing her nose into the light breeze. She can always smell the onset of spring. She closes her eyes for a moment, feeling the sun on her face. It’s a wonderful antidote to the restless night she’s spent, staring at the beams in her bedroom, wondering why her heart won’t quieten down. It’s like a distressed bird in a cage.

‘Big day today,’ Dominica says.

‘Why’s that?’ Claire asks.

‘I’m switching from boots to jelly shoes,’ she says. ‘I just bought these from Decathlon.’

She puts on the jelly shoes and wiggles her feet in them. They’re not the most flattering footwear in the world, but the most necessary. Helga knows there’s no dignity in a woman of a certain age trying to make it out of the waves and up the shingle beach without shoes. Maybe she should get some like those for herself. These old things are almost worn through. But she hates shopping at the best of times and she refuses to shop online.

‘You’re not ditching the swimming gloves though?’ Claire asks Dominica, who shakes her head.

‘No. One thing at a time,’ she says.

Helga knows that Claire is still making sure she does the right thing and follows the right protocol when it comes to swimming, but Helga’s noticed a change in her. Especially since she sat for the life drawing. The group had all told Helga what a find Claire was. How it surprised them all how Claire didn’t realise quite how gorgeous and voluptuous she was, how luminescent her pale skin. What a delight she’d been to draw.