‘Jed and Bea, will you make hot drinks? Everyone else find a seat in the living room and divide yourself into pairs.’

‘I bagsy you to be my pair,’ I told Jed while we waited for the coffee to brew.

‘I reject your bagsy. No way I’m unleashing the wrath of Principal Armstrong this early in the celebrations,’ he replied, patting me on the head as if that made his betrayal okay.

‘If you’re colluding in this ridiculous conspiracy to match me up with Henry then I henceforth disown you as my brother.’

‘I’m not colluding.’ He paused, tossing decaffeinated teabags into Mum’s giant teapot. ‘Just remaining neutral.’

I scowled. ‘You’re either for me or against me.’

‘Would you like some older, wiser, brotherly advice?’ he asked, his voice softening with affection.

I thought about that while I poured boiling water into four mugs of hot chocolate. ‘I suppose so.’

‘Just roll with it for a week. Let Mum pair you up with Henry, smile, be friendly, pretend it doesn’t bother you. You’ll have a much better time than if you try to fight her on this. What’s the worst that can happen?’

‘I have to spend Christmas being forced into close proximity with someone I don’t like, instead of my family, who I thought I unreservedly loved with all my heart until this conversation?’

‘Come on, Henry’s not that bad. I know he used to be a bit of a geek, but he’s a really decent guy.’

‘If you like androids who think they’re better than everyone else just because they know the circumference of Neptune.’

I pulled open the kitchen door to find the android standing on the other side of it. I could have pretended he hadn’t heard, but the look on his face proved otherwise. It said a lot about our history that the immediate thought to pop into my head was, Wow – he has feelings!

‘Cora sent me to see if you needed a hand.’ Henry’s voice had taken on the robotic cadence that I was used to, and out of nowhere a tiny idea broke through my bitchy, schoolgirl attitude. Was Henry so stiff and irritatingly precise because he was shy?

‘Great, grab this, will you?’ Jed intercepted, handing Henry the coffee pot before casually sauntering off with a tray of mugs.

‘I… um…’ I, um, had no excuse.

‘It’s 155,600 kilometres.’

‘Pardon?’ As I stood there shrivelling with embarrassment, Henry leant past me, grabbed a jug of milk and winked, before heading back to the living room.

I took another few moments to try to defluster, picked up the teapot, and followed him.