I wanted to turn up to a secondary-school environmental day and shake hands with a teacher who I knew loved paddleboarding with her Irish Setter, but was concerned about the state of the local lake and wanted to know what practical things they could do to clean it up. And I would have an answer, because I knew that lake, knew the head of the charity who managed the nature reserve it was located in, and had in all likelihood invited him to join us for a drink in the pub that evening.

I wanted the work I did to impact the streets I walked every day, the communities I knew and cared about, the forest my family called home.

Was I selfish, wanting to focus on my own neighbourhoods?

Wouldn’t it be better to take this wonderful thing I’d somehow started and spread it across the country, get other people involved?

And wasn’t the whole point of applying for another job because my current one now required double-dose migraine medication?

Ugh.

Now was really not the time to be making a decision like this.

The problem was, I didn’t have long left to decide.

And, to be honest, it was easier than thinking about Adam’s proposal.

24

The exhaustion must have finally overtaken my tumultuous thoughts, because once I’d fallen asleep I stayed that way until the sun was peering around the edge of my curtain. My immediate instinct was to check my phone, but there were no messages. I quickly texted Mum and had a reply to confirm that there’d been no change, which was about as much as we could hope for. Wrapping myself up in a giant cardigan for comfort as much as warmth, I padded downstairs to find everyone else at the breakfast table.

‘So, what’s on the itinerary today, then?’ Jed asked, attempting to smile.

Daisy and Frankie leapt off the bench and hurried over to a laminated sheet pinned on the giant noticeboard hanging beside the back door.

‘Um… clear up the hall this morning. Hot dogs on the firepit then—’

‘Then free time,’ Daisy interrupted her brother, squeezing in front of him so that her face was two inches away from the sheet. She wrinkled up her nose. ‘What’s free time?’

‘A rare and fleeting commodity,’ Jed replied, solemnly. ‘Enjoy it while it lasts. So, it makes sense to stick with—’

‘Wait, I haven’t finished!’ Daisy glowered. ‘Six p.m. is the Christmas trail at… at…’

‘Rufford Abbey,’ Elana droned, not bothering to look up from her bowl of cereal.

‘I was about to say that!’

‘Well, now you don’t have to.’

‘Please!’ Mia said, in a voice that brooked no discussion. ‘We’re all tired and feeling sad about Nana Joy being ill. Let’s not squabble.’