“I know you do.” And I do. She stayed. She may have made some shitty choices, and she may have made some mistakes when she got lonely, but she does love me and Lucy.

“He does too, you know?”

I pull back to look into her eyes. “Who?”

She gives me a small smile. “Kingston. He yelled at me last night.”

“What?” I don’t know how I feel about that. Normally, I’m pretty protective of my mom, but he yelled at her for me?

“He did. And I needed it. Badly. He said everything I needed to hear, and he loves you so much, sweetie. How are you going to leave him behind?”

My chest clenches tightly at the thought because, out of everyone and everything I’m leaving behind, it’s him who’ll be the hardest. And he’s always loved me. Just not like that. “I love him too.”

She brushes my hair with her fingers and smiles. “I know, honey.” And the way she’s looking at me, it’s like she may actually know. Like know, know.

“What?”

She hugs me again. “I think I’ve always known. But you don’t have to tell me, not until you’re ready.”

I pull back again, my eyes widening. “I’m gay.” I say the words. They just fall from my lips, but she doesn’t look disgusted or scared or anything I was afraid she would. She just gives me a watery smile and nods her head.

“And you’re in love with Kingston.”

“He doesn’t love me that way.” It’s painful to say it and weird that she probably knew all along. She never said anything.

“I’m not so sure about that, honey.” I stare at her, my system in shock.

“What?”

She just pats my shoulder and kisses my forehead. “I love you. And I think you’ll figure it all out. Thankfully, you’re going to have time to do that. You’re going to college, and you’re going to be like every kid your age for the first time in a long time.”

Now, I do believe her. I can see the remorse and the guilt. “Thank you, Mom.”

She shakes her head and sniffs, fighting more tears. “No, Camden. Thank you.”

She kisses my head again and then goes off into her bedroom, hopefully to get some rest.

I grab some pain relievers, swallowing them down with some water and then get back into bed with Kingston.

I feel his warm body against mine, and for a moment, I let myself believe my mom. Believe that he loves me just like I love him.

But then dread and confusion take over because even if he did, it wouldn’t matter. Not now.

Because I’m leaving. And he’s staying.

38. Kingston

THIRTY-EIGHT

KINGSTON