But his body lies next to mine at night, and I can’t touch him. If I touch him, I’ll never stop. So, I don’t give in, even though I know he wouldn’t deny me. He’s never denied me anything.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” he says with a grin, confident and strong as always. “Are you okay?” He moves closer to me, so close I can smell his soap and shampoo. It’s tempting, far too tempting to pull him into me and feast on his lips.

God, I miss touching him. I crave hearing those deep, throaty moans right before he comes. I think about his hard body and his soft touch all the time. It’s maddening.

No.

You can do this. Just friends.

Just like always.

“I’m fine. I’m totally fine.” I’m rambling. I never ramble. My eyes go to the door, where everyone just exited. “We should get to practice before Coach makes us stay late. Lucy wants macaroni and cheese for dinner, and she gets hangry as fuck.”

He chuckles at that. “That sounds good.”

I start toward the door, and he slings his arms over my shoulders, like he always has. It’s the most touching I allow, and I lean into it as we walk out to the field.

Just a little reminder of what we had.

33. Kingston

THIRTY-THREE

KINGSTON

Have his lips always been that red? That full? Jesus, I’m losing my mind here.

I want to kiss him so damn bad, but he’s kept his decision in place, just like I knew he would, so I don’t cross that line.

Even though I’m convinced I might actually die from blue balls. I looked it up, and it says you can’t, but I’m still unconvinced.

Lying next to him and not touching him is total bullshit, for the record. I’d have used every last second we have before he has to leave to make him come and scream my name over and over. But this is what he wants.

And I guess it makes sense. He has experience now, like he said. And he’ll use it on some smart, fancy college guy.

I rub absently at my chest from that thought and then look over at Camden, who’s working on homework while he sits on his bed. “You think you’ll fuck someone the first week of school?”

Why did I ask that?

I don’t even know if I want to know the answer. And he looks at me like I’m totally insane. “Uhh . . .”

I try to play it cool, even though I feel sick at the thought. “I mean, you should. You’re experienced now. You deserve to have all the gay sex you want to have. You’ll be like eight hours away from here.”