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Back I Know What I Saw Save as PDF
Chapters (59)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise for I Know What I Saw
  3. By the Same Author
  4. Dedication Page
  5. 1
  6. 2
  7. 3
  8. 4
  9. 5
  10. 6
  11. 7
  12. 8
  13. 9
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  30. 26
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  45. 41
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  49. 45
  50. 46
  51. 47
  52. 48
  53. 49
  54. Now read on for a preview
  55. 1
  56. 2
  57. 3
  58. 4
  59. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

‘No need,’ I said and got out of the car. I walked up to the front door and put a key into the lock. I looked round to watch her leave but then stopped. She’d switched off the ignition and was now climbing out of the car.

‘I can stay for longer,’ she said evenly, walking towards me.

‘It’s okay,’ I said. ‘There’s no need.’ I removed the key from the lock and waited for her to leave.

‘Well, I’m coming in anyway,’ she said. ‘Just for a minute.’

I sighed then and put the keys away into my pocket. ‘You can’t come in. I can’t even go in. I’ve given the place up.’

Her mouth dropped into a small O. ‘Why didn’t you say?’

I shrugged.

‘Well, get back in then,’ she said, indicating the car. ‘I’ll take you to your new place.’ She was halfway to the car before she realised I wasn’t following.

‘There is no new place,’ I said.

‘What then? Where are you staying?’

‘Seb and Nina’s,’ I said, lying.

Grace took a step towards me, hooking a stray golden curl over her ear. ‘Nina never said.’

I shrugged again. ‘Maybe she doesn’t know yet.’

‘You mean you haven’t moved in yet? Where have you been staying?’

I walked towards the car and opened the driver’s door for her to get in. ‘Here and there. Don’t worry. I’m not as fragile as you think,’ I said, and shut her in with a soft thud. She looked dolefully at me through the glass and then wound down the window.

‘I know,’ she said. ‘It’s me. I’m too fragile, I think. To help.’

‘But if you knew that just seeing you, what it does for me,’ I said before stopping myself. ‘Forget I said that.’

She shivered in the damp air and then fussed around her collar for a minute. I saw the shell there glinting under her chin.

The window rose smoothly up and then, with a small smile, she drove away.

That was almost the last time I saw her, I think. We met in the street once. And then, that was it.

I have to walk. I have to walk my thoughts into the pavement. Grind them into the concrete and stub them out. When I focus my eyes again, I see that I am at the library. I look up at the building. It is a cathedral. I begin to walk around it. Each step I take feeds a stream of invasive thoughts into the ground. I can feel myself shedding them as I circumambulate the building, until dozens or more circuits later, I am nothing but a pilgrim.

Me on one side and the universe once again on the other. In perfect balance.

25

Monday