BooksBarbecue
Back I Know What I Saw Save as PDF
Chapters (59)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise for I Know What I Saw
  3. By the Same Author
  4. Dedication Page
  5. 1
  6. 2
  7. 3
  8. 4
  9. 5
  10. 6
  11. 7
  12. 8
  13. 9
  14. 10
  15. 11
  16. 12
  17. 13
  18. 14
  19. 15
  20. 16
  21. 17
  22. 18
  23. 19
  24. 20
  25. 21
  26. 22
  27. 23
  28. 24
  29. 25
  30. 26
  31. 27
  32. 28
  33. 29
  34. 30
  35. 31
  36. 32
  37. 33
  38. 34
  39. 35
  40. 36
  41. 37
  42. 38
  43. 39
  44. 40
  45. 41
  46. 42
  47. 43
  48. 44
  49. 45
  50. 46
  51. 47
  52. 48
  53. 49
  54. Now read on for a preview
  55. 1
  56. 2
  57. 3
  58. 4
  59. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

‘Why did I bury it, Seb? Why would I do that unless—’

‘Don’t,’ he interrupts. ‘No. There must be another explanation.’

He stops and runs his hands through his hair. He is astounded and casts about for what to do or say next, because there is only one explanation.

‘Shit,’ he says finally. ‘Do you remember doing it?’

I shake my head and as I do I feel the tears. I try and blink them back. I don’t deserve to cry at this. I killed Grace.

‘I don’t fully,’ I say. ‘Sometimes when I learn something new, it changes what I remember. I remember this now,’ I say, pointing to the record. ‘I remember burying it.’

‘Shit,’ he repeats. He pushes the record back into the bag. ‘Wait,’ he says then, spotting something at the bottom of it and reaching in.

‘What is it?’

‘I’ve seen this before,’ he says and holds it up.

Seeing it sends a shiver down my spine. It’s a pendant in the shape of a tiny gold shell.

‘Chelle,’ I say under my breath. ‘Michelle.’

The plastic bag lies fat on the table, stained in mud. After a while it begins to shimmer in my peripheral vision. But it isn’t alone. It is here with everything I had forgotten. It’s here with things that I didn’t even know I knew, let alone forgot. I stand up suddenly and push back my chair.

‘What are you going to do?’ he asks.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I don’t know what I can do. ‘I’m going to lie down,’ I say at last and then make my way upstairs. I can’t go now. He’ll stop me. I have to wait till he is asleep.

My head throbs, but it’s not clouding my thoughts. Rather, it’s making them clearer. The threads of my life are being pulled together and there is only one thing left to be done. I see now that this has been stalking me for almost thirty years. Maybe deep inside I thought I could outrun it, but that was never possible.

47

Saturday

When I am sure that he is in his room, asleep, I go back down. In the kitchen, the time on the oven blinks 01:22. I reach for the bag.

I step into the night with the bag tucked under my arm. The walk to the police station feels like a death march and I feel a kind of undeserved nobility about it. The air swims around my face, reminding me of itself and of freedom, now lost. I can’t keep running.

Before any suspicion of light, I reach the door of the police station and look up at the building. There’s a world behind those doors that I don’t want to open. And yet I must.