‘Then I have,’ she said. ‘And I can’t go through all that again now. Not here in this stupid house and this ridiculous furniture!’

‘But you don’t have to be here,’ I said, moving on to one of the old leather sofas. She looked at me for a moment and opened her mouth, then shut it again. Her hands were clamped together.

Ma belle. We can get over this. We have to because I can’t survive this life without you next to me. Look at me, I’m disintegrating. I’ve tried to rationalise my way out of it. The act of living is fundamentally solitary and I’m accountable completely for this situation. For all my situations. I am a function of my own choices and I can be happy through some other choice. I know this, intellectually. But look at me, Mabel, I’m fucked.

That’s what I wanted to say. Instead I looked at the floor.

She sighed. ‘Xander, why are you here?’

‘The money. I wanted to know what to do about it,’ I said, grasping. ‘But not just that. I thought we were friends still and that I could …’

Grace began to pace between boxes as if deciding and then undeciding which to open. She paused. ‘I don’t think we can be friends. Not yet.’

‘That’s fine then,’ I said, standing up. ‘Friends was your idea. Your choice not mine.’

‘I didn’t choose any of this, Xander. It just is.’

‘You did choose it. I chose you but you chose this,’ I said and waved my arms at the room.

‘That’s the problem though. I am not one of your choices. I’m independent of you. I exist autonomously.’

The words pelted me. ‘I know that. I just – emotionally, I feel tangled up in you.’

She took a breath. ‘Look, I know with your dad and everything … But that’s not an excuse for how you behave towards me. It just isn’t.’

‘I think that’s unfair,’ I said and felt my face run hot. ‘How I behave? Just me?’ When she didn’t answer I stood up to leave.

She caught up with me by the door. ‘Listen. Xand, let’s have dinner. Book somewhere nice. Do something nice, for me and maybe we can talk. Because I do love you. I just don’t love this. This side of you.’

I nodded but I knew everything was sliding away from me. I was being deleted from her life, like the pendant that had gone from her neck.

‘I want you to think seriously about it. Whether you can allow me to be my own person, make my own decisions, see who I want for coffee, without it being a row.’

She meant Ariel and my heart tumbled at the possibility of them together. I nodded and was through the door when I remembered. ‘The money,’ I said.