I sit on the bench and let the tears run free, until finally the door opens and I too am freed.

I walk through the iron door and into the court lobby and am met by Jan. I want to hug her but my condition, the state of my body, stops me.

‘You waited,’ I say.

‘Yes, I waited. That’s what I was telling you as you were being taken down to be processed. So now can we get the hell out of Dodge?’ She indicates the front entrance with a tilt of her head.

I follow her on to a street lit by a bright, early spring sky. I have been away from the embrace of the outdoors for less than a day and already it feels like a homecoming. In the dust of the traffic, the memories flood back to me, remaking connections to the world and binding me once again to it.

‘Not sure how we did that,’ Jan says, walking briskly and scanning the road as she does. ‘Good judge, shit prosecutor. Anyway, well done. You’re out. Right, we have a brilliant QC lined up for you. You’ll meet her next week, on Monday. She wants to see you in her Chambers as soon as possible.’

‘That’s quick,’ I think it as I say it. I had the impression of cases grinding slowly through the legal system at Jarndycian speed.

‘Well, as you heard, this case will next be up in two weeks and before then you’ll need to be advised properly about your plea. It has to be quick and you’re lucky that this Silk is free, to be honest.’

Two weeks seems so fast that I become unsteady just thinking about it. By March, I will be back in court entering a plea. I nod vaguely as I follow along behind her, struggling to keep up.

‘Monday, 2 p.m. at 5 Pump Walk Chambers. I’ll drop you a letter with details. Nasreen Khan QC,’ she says, sticking her arm out. A taxi screams to a halt and almost before I can mutter my thanks, she has jumped in. She leaves the door open for a moment to speak to me.

‘You need to find that money, Xander. It’s going to be key.’

I nod and put my hand up to wave at her as she heaves the door shut.

‘See you Monday,’ she mouths through the window as the cab rumbles off.

Once the taxi fades into the distance, I turn and walk the other way. Seb’s. I have to go there. That is my bail address now. He doesn’t know yet that I have to live with him. He’s too polite to object. But it can’t be how he was hoping his life would turn out. And I have no way of making it up to him.