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I have to live

Aisha Sasha John
Contents (82)
  1. Contents
  2. One
  3. Something softens me
  4. And a withering pear I can’t eat.
  5. Considering
  6. I have to live. There’s stuff inside of things.
  7. What is bread?
  8. In the dream
  9. I sleep in a room.
  10. In my nipple is an eye.
  11. I am in love.
  12. Dec 31, 2014
  13. Aquamarine and topaz
  14. Everywhere there are men, there are men
  15. When I leave here I don’t know where I am.
  16. Two
  17. I like it when we give the world to itself
  18. I can’t believe I agreed to go to work today.
  19. I fold in half
  20. One headline said 5 minutes early is on time;
  21. I am an angel but I respire.
  22. “The Bay Area”
  23. Advanced Adulthood
  24. What’s the big fucking deal about
  25. Today I could aspire but I want to nap
  26. Your yes, yes.
  27. Adornment is exaltation enacted.
  28. It’s Saturday. I meet you, get soft.
  29. I spread butter on the darkest rye
  30. My duty is to tend
  31. He thinks I should be glad because they
  32. His thumbs were
  33. Because I was being flown to Kelowna for a reading and he lives in Nelson
  34. Regardless
  35. Three
  36. In August I visited my Gran.
  37. Strong basic love
  38. Happy Cup
  39. I defer to you.
  40. Blood
  41. Rat vs. Lamb
  42. A beach.
  43. I was born and I lived
  44. I wore a mint-green Donna Karan suit in the Lincoln LS commercial.
  45. The landlord said he lost his phone.
  46. I want to walk the park with you
  47. Hi.
  48. I take a medicine.
  49. I decided that I was a planet and I was a planet.
  50. The crease
  51. I said no
  52. So I have a brand new set of markers
  53. Five
  54. I was a born a baby.
  55. Eighteen degrees Celsius Zagora No events Mostly cloudy
  56. The goat
  57. I cut my horns
  58. My anger is hope for my own righteousness.
  59. The coo of the common emerald dove is the sound of Venus.
  60. I have to live lest I die-live.
  61. It’s why I was born.
  62. Six
  63. I told you.
  64. How much of your body is your head.
  65. The trick to being funny by Aisha Sasha John.
  66. I couldn’t win with my brother because I was born.
  67. Thanks.
  68. I’ve seen stuff always.
  69. For you and all your siblings and friends and husbands or boyfriends.
  70. Seven
  71. I removed the snake ring.
  72. Pussy pain.
  73. The reassuring thing about life
  74. Psychic = Self-believer
  75. The year of being selfish. The year of being relaxed.
  76. I find the book.
  77. I get my power from pleasure. And I get my pleasure from pleasure, too.
  78. I’m on the back of something.
  79. I’m not dead.
  80. I’m not gonna die of love.
  81. I have to live. I’m married to love.
  82. Acknowledgements
cover image

BOOKS BY AISHA SASHA JOHN

The Shining Material (2011)

THOU (2014)

I have to live. (2017)

image of title page image of title page

Copyright © 2017 by Aisha Sasha John

All rights reserved. The use of any part of this publication reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system, without the prior written consent of the publisher – or, in case of photocopying or other reprographic copying, a licence from the Canadian Copyright Licensing Agency – is an infringement of the copyright law.

LIBRARY AND ARCHIVES CANADA CATALOGUING IN PUBLICATION

John, Aisha Sasha, author

I have to live / Aisha Sasha John.

Poems.

Issued in print and electronic formats.

ISBN 978-0-7710-5070-1 (paperback). – ISBN 978-0-7710-5071-8 (epub)

I. Title.

PS8619.O444I12 2017 C811′.6 C2016-904537-4

C2016-904538-2

Published simultaneously in the United States of America by

McClelland & Stewart, a division of Penguin Random House Canada Limited, a Penguin Random House Company

Library of Congress Control Number is available upon request

ISBN 9780771050701

Ebook ISBN 9780771050718

Cover design by Rachel Cooper

Cover image: © Tuja66 / Dreamstime.com

McClelland & Stewart,

a division of Penguin Random House Canada Limited,

a Penguin Random House Company

www.penguinrandomhouse.ca

v4.1

a

THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED TO THOSE WHOM IT IS FOR.

AND TO MY DAD.

Contents

Cover

Books by Aisha Sasha John

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

ONE

Something softens me

And a withering pear I can’t eat.

Considering

I have to live. There’s stuff inside of things.

What is bread?

In the dream

I sleep in a room.

In my nipple is an eye.

I am in love.

Dec 31, 2014

Aquamarine and topaz

Everywhere there are men, there are men

When I leave here I don’t know where I am.

TWO

I like it when we give the world to itself

Ruth taught me M.G.’s dance in which one imagines herself held by a giant blue woman named Eureka

I can’t believe I agreed to go to work today.

I fold in half

One headline said 5 minutes early is on time;

I am an angel but I respire.

“The Bay Area”

Advanced Adulthood

What’s the big fucking deal about

Today I could aspire but I want to nap

Your yes, yes.

Adornment is exaltation enacted.

It’s Saturday. I meet you, get soft.

I spread butter on the darkest rye

My duty is to tend

He thinks I should be glad because they

His thumbs were

Because I was being flown to Kelowna for a reading and he lives in Nelson

Regardless

THREE

In August I visited my Gran.

Strong basic love

Happy Cup

I defer to you.

Blood

RAT VS. LAMB

A beach.

I was born and I lived

I wore a mint-green Donna Karan suit in the Lincoln LS commercial.