‘Do you remember when you turned up at my house that first time and I invited you in? You put your hand out to shake mine and I turned my back? I just couldn’t… I pointed you in the direction of the airing cupboard and let you head on up by yourself because, just as I had known at the lights, with you finally standing before me, I could tell.’ She swallows, hard, then whispers, ‘The line of your jaw, your nose, your eyes. It was as if James was standing in front of me again.’

James looks over to Rhys, his eyes wide. Is this new information? Or was it all in the letter?

Another tear makes its way down her cheek and she raises her hand to wipe it away, her movements slow and tired. ‘I knew it was you.’ There’s another pause before she says, ‘My son.’

James slowly stands.

Rhys still stares, not moving. Then his eyes search the ground before him. He clenches his jaw, looking directly at Susan first, then James, then back to Susan. Eventually, his voice flat, detached almost, he says, ‘How could you?’ and I realise how fine this line of truth has become. How dangerously close he is to unravelling. ‘How could anyone just leave a child?’ he says, his voice low and disgusted.

‘Rhys,’ says James. But Rhys isn’t ready to be silenced.

Chapter Fifty-One

RHYS

I move away from them both, rubbing my hands through my hair, trying to process the information. It makes no sense at all, yet all the sense in the world. And it’s not new. From the second I saw that clipping, I wondered, but couldn’t believe it. Then again, when talking to Mum at the Botanical Gardens, I knew when I sat before her, that last visit on the ward. But I can’t process it. I want to shout. I want to run. I want to leave. And yet, I want to tell her what this means. To me.

I perch on the windowsill in the farthest corner of the room. Away from them all but facing them.

‘I spent years,’ I begin quietly, not really sure what I’m going to say, ‘knowing nothing of where I came from, not caring because I didn’t need to. I had a mother who did everything she could for me and my brother, and I didn’t need to know more – until he did. Our David. When he learned his own history, something that would eventually tip him over the edge, something that made him take his own life, I found my file and read what was inside and everything… crumbled. I was supposed to be there to help him. To give him support, and there I was, needing somebody for me. But there was no one.’

Kat looks at me with pity in her eyes, but I’m not done.

‘How could someone do that?’ I whisper. ‘I could have died, out there on that step. I was helpless and yet still… you walked away.’