They both looked out to the living room then, where Paige was obediently filling out her worksheet at the coffee table. Well, when it gets to the…to the end, well do whatever we can, Peter said. Anything we can do to make her comfortable, you know?

Rachel nodded, wondering what his reaction would be if she came forward with her own diagnosis. The stress, the worry…it would be terrible. And then there would be trying to explain it to Paige. The idea of it broke her heart and she had to look away from her.

Youre okay, for real? Peter asked.

Yeah. Like I said, she seemed to be in a really good place with it.

Well, if its too heavy and the drive back was too much, we can cancel our plans tonight. What do you think?

Plans? But as soon as she said it, she remembered. Shit, thats right. Terrys birthday party. I totally forgot.

Ill call him and tell him we cant make it.

No, lets go. And maybe you can drive. I think a few drinks with friends might be exactly what I need right now. Do you think you can call the sitter?

Yes, I can drive. And Ill call the sitter.

And maybe order pizza for dinner? Rachel said. I think Id like to spend the evening with Paige before we go. I missed her quite a bit while I was in Aiken.

It was just two days. Youre gone longer on bureau trips…a lot longer sometimes. There was concern in his voice, and a bit of warmth. Peter always liked it when Rachel was verbal about how much she missed them when she was away for a case. She wasnt the most vulnerable of people, and he latched on to this show of emotion whenever it raised its head.

I know, she said, struggling with tears. Maybe it was just the news, or Grandma Tate focusing on trying to spend some time with her.

Peter leaned forward and kissed her softly on the mouth. Do what you need to do. Ill call the pizza in.

Rachel walked slowly back into the living room, giving herself time to regroup. She sat on the couch by Paige and saw that the worksheet was for counting by fives. Paige was nearly done, her little tongue sticking out in concentration.

I wont be here much longer, kiddo, she thought as she watched her work. You deserve to have a mother, but you dont deserve the pain of learning that youre going to lose her far too early. I dont know what to do and Im so afraid youre going to suffer because of my cowardice.

She kept it all inside, though, sitting on it as if she were hiding a bomb that might very well explode at any moment. She knew it would blow at any given moment, but her concern was keeping her family safe when it did.

CHAPTER FOUR

Peter! Rachel!