If Momma finds us

doing this there’ll

be no secret clubhouse.

I used the shelf

to push myself through

the tiny crawl space and then,

turning around myself,

gazed at Liz.

She

covered her mouth

hiding a smile.

This,

she said

when she settled,

this is the Chapman Girls’ Hideout.

The attic was fire-hot.

So hot it was hard to breathe.

And dusty, too.

Whew!

Liz looked serious all the sudden.

What will we do here?

I said.

A candle flame flickered.

I could only find a stub

with just a little light left in it.

Liz lit it

before I sat

next to her.

Ah,

said Liz,

like she was wise.

We come here for meetings.

We come here when

things are too tough in the real world.

I looked at her.

We meet here to regain our composure.

Huh?

What’s that mean?

I said.

That means,

she took a big breath

like she felt annoyed at having to

explain,

that means when things are tough,

this is the hideout.

My hands sweat

and my face sweat and

sweat rolled offa me

all over my body.

I thought sure there would be

a wet butt print on the floor

when I got up.

Say the solemn vow after me,

Liz said in a low voice.

Okay.

I answered in the same voice

she used.

When things get tough . . .

When things get tough . . .

When life is rough . . .

When life is rough . . .

The Chapman girls . . .

The Chapman girls . . .

Will take only enough.

Will take only enough.

She stopped like she was thinking of more words

that rhymed with tough. I

tried to help

but my mind drew a blank,

because

I was gonna have heatstroke

maybe.

Our place to hide,

she said,

and sweat drops

splatted

on the wooden floor.

Now Liz wore a little dirt bead

necklace that wasn’t

there when we first climbed into the attic.

Our place to hide,

she said again

and licked her lips.

Our place to hide,

I said.

But I thought,

Next time we’ll bring us something to drink.

Is up here inside.

Is up here inside.

Where no one . . .

Where no one . . .

Not no one . . .

Not no one . . .

Will know our secrets.

I tilted my head and whispered,

That didn’t rhyme.

Say it anyway,

she said.

I want our first Chapman Girls’ Club meeting

finished for the day.

It’s too damn hot

in here.

I gasped.

You said damn.

Liz nodded, her

face pink in the

candlelight.

Say it, quick!

What was it you said?

Will know our secrets.

Oh yeah, will know our secrets.

She leaned over the candle

and blew it out.

Let’s go swimming,

she said.

45.

One night

I hear crying

and it’s not Lizzie

because she is at

the hospital.

My nightmares are back?

I think.

But when I walk