Glimpse

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FOR

my favorite daughters
(you know who you are)

AND
all the world’s Lizzies

1.

In one moment

it is over.

In one moment

it is gone.

The morning grows

thin, gray

and our lives—

how they were—

have vanished.

Our lives have

changed

when I walk

in on Lizzie

my sister

holding a shotgun.

She fingers the

trigger.

Looks up.

My sister.

My sister just looks

up at me.

Touching

the trigger

of that gun.

2.

My breath goes,

lungs empty,

all the blood

runs up to my face.

My heart pounds so

that it hurts.

It hurts.

What are you doing,

Lizzie girl?

I say,

sounding just like Momma,

only not so loud.

The words are

without air

full of blood

and pain.

What are you doing?

I’m on one knee now

face-to-face

with Lizzie.

Just thinking,

she says.

Momma?

I say over my shoulder.

Momma!

And to Lizzie,

What are you thinking?

I’m not even sure

I can hear her answer,

the blood pounds

so in my ears.

Just thinking,

Lizzie says,
looking me right in the eye,

just thinking about

leaving.

3.

Wait—back up.

Back up and see the story

of Momma, Lizzie, and

me.

Of Lizzie and

me

and how the two

of us

got here

to this moment.

4.

Mama she say, Shh.

She say, Shhh.

She say, Quiet, baby.

5.

I love babies,

Momma says.

I love babies most of all.

6.

In the beginning

it was me

and Liz

and Momma

and Daddy.

The four of us.

Together.

Me and Liz just

babies.

Smiling, no teeth. Bottles.

Saggy diapers.

Sunburned cheeks.

All those old

pictures

Momma has hidden

under her

bed in that

box,

all those

pictures prove

we were a family

before.

7.

He left me,

Momma used to say

(and sometimes does

still

now),

when it was late

and she

felt lighter

from Pabst Blue Ribbon

and the hour.

He left me.

She thumped her chest,

tears making her eyes glisten.

Me and Liz

were quiet

on the edge

of the living room

watching

looking

listening.

Even from this far

away

I could see

the tears

in Momma’s eyes

Me and Liz

we sat quiet.

We stayed

we listened

because we had to.

The more she drank,

raising can after can,

the more Momma talked

and soon

would let out the truth.

She let out the truth

and the reason me and Liz

were still in the room,