Back Expectation: a Novel Save as PDF
Chapters (66)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Epigraph
  4. London Fields
  5. 2010
  6. Hannah
  7. Cate
  8. Lissa
  9. Cate
  10. Abjections
  11. Hannah
  12. Lissa
  13. Soulmates
  14. Cate
  15. Lissa
  16. Hannah
  17. Resistance
  18. Cate
  19. Lissa
  20. Hannah
  21. True North
  22. Cate
  23. Lissa
  24. Hannah
  25. London
  26. Lissa
  27. Cate
  28. Lissa
  29. Hannah
  30. Bras
  31. Cate
  32. Hannah
  33. Cate
  34. Hannah
  35. Cate
  36. Hannah
  37. Lissa
  38. Hannah
  39. Lissa
  40. Hens
  41. Cate
  42. Hannah
  43. Lissa
  44. Hannah
  45. Cate
  46. Lissa
  47. Hannah
  48. Epithalamium
  49. Lissa
  50. Hannah
  51. Cate
  52. Lissa
  53. Hannah
  54. Lissa
  55. Hannah
  56. Cate
  57. Lissa
  58. Hannah
  59. Lissa
  60. 2012
  61. Hannah
  62. London Fields
  63. Acknowledgments
  64. About the Author
  65. Also by Anna Hope
  66. About the Publisher

Hannah locks herself in the bathroom and stares at her reflection in the mirror. Her cheeks are flushed, but her lips are pale and set in a tight line. What is she doing here? She has a strange, uneasy sense that she has been summoned here, or that she has summoned the woman from the depths of her subconscious mind—that this woman holds some unearthly power, that if she goes back into that cold room, she might never come out again, might never leave this cheerless place. She uses the toilet, flushes, and washes her hands with the small, hard sliver of soap. In the hallway she hesitates—there is still time to run.

But the woman is waiting. She holds out her hands for Hannah’s coat, which she hangs on the back of the door. “Hop up then,” she says again, gesturing to the table.

Hannah slips off her shoes and complies. It is cold. Should she tell her how cold it is in here? The woman is wrapped up in her cardigan, but Hannah is only wearing her work dress. She pulls the blanket around her knees. It crackles and sticks to her tights.

“So,” says the woman, her head to one side. “What brings you here?”

Hannah’s lips are dry. She licks them. “It was strange. For you to approach me—and—and—this is unlike me, very unlike me, but I just felt compelled to call.”

The woman nods. “I sensed it,” she says.

“Sensed what?” says Hannah.

“Your need.”

“Need for what?”

The woman pauses, shifts in her seat. “A child.”

“Ah,” says Hannah, and then falls silent, her skin prickling with anticipation, with fear.

“Tell me,” the woman says.

“I— We’ve been trying. For a long time. For three years, and nothing. And then we started IVF. And I got pregnant. And lost the baby. And then we tried again. The IVF. And now my husband has left.”

The woman nods, as though none of this surprises her.

“Sometimes,” says Hannah, “I feel cursed. I don’t know why I should be cursed.” She is babbling now, gibberish. “I try and be good.” The woman is staring. Hannah is silent a moment, then, “It’s cold,” she says.

The woman gets up and turns the radiator dial a notch. “I have the heating off in the day.”

“Don’t you heat it up? When you have clients? Patients?”

“They usually like the blankets,” the woman says.

“Oh.”

“Would you like another?”

She looks down at the shiny, unpleasant blanket over her knees. “No.”

The woman rolls up her sleeves. She takes Hannah’s calves in her hands. Her palms are not warm. “All right,” she says. “I’m going to work on you now.”

“Work on me?”

“Just lean back and relax.”