Obviously, I don’t write any of this to her. Instead I start typing, leaning into my Gemini ability to twist the truth, and tell her what I think she wants to hear. I tell her she is magnetic. I tell her she is a natural leader; people flock to her. I tell her she is powerful, maybe psychic, a lion and a witch. I tell her she has intrinsic sex appeal and refined tastes. And I tell her she probably has great hair.

DAWN.

I am browsing small white dogs on Petfinder when I receive an email from Exalted. I open it with delight and begin reading.

I’m thrilled with what I learn.

Exalted tells me I’m a star. This is exactly what I needed, confirmation that my current issues have nothing to do with me. It’s everyone else who has the problem. I am powerful and psychic, a lion and a witch.

I give extra attention to the “Sex and Love” section. My Venus is in Virgo, which surprises me because I’ve always found Virgos boring. But Exalted makes it sound okay. She says I am a loyal partner and that I am attracted to intelligence and cleanliness. This is all true. Tara’s car was always filthy, with gum wrappers and half-empty Dr Pepper bottles everywhere. It drove me nuts. But I liked her mind, I really did. I need to be with someone smart, like a doctor or a lawyer. I wonder where I will find this smart person. Exalted says I need a partner with integrity.

My Mars is in Cancer, which means I am very sexy. I wonder if Exalted looked at my Instagram photos before she wrote that. I wonder if she could be my partner with integrity. She seems smart from her memes. She says I would make a good actor because I can be very moving. She also says I am hypersensitive and might experience extreme mood swings. I might also have a temper. I laugh at that because it sounds like an understatement.

I respond to the email, thanking her. Then I ask her if she lives in Southern California, and if so, I would love to take her out for a drink. I already know she thinks I’m sexy, so I may as well ask. I have nothing to lose.

Just as I hit send, a text from Steph pops up. She has been texting me a lot since the night at Jay’s Bar, and I haven’t responded. Exalted says I can hold a grudge. She is right.

Hi Dawn. I hope you’re doing fabu. I still feel terrible about that night at Jay’s Bar. I was being an idiot, and I sincerely apologize. If you don’t have Thanksgiving plans, Beth and I would love to have you over.