I think about Paul my entire shift. I haven’t seen him in, well, how old is Bo? Twenty-eight? I haven’t seen him in twenty- nine years.

As soon as my shift ends, I practically race to the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf. It isn’t a conscious decision. My body just moves, and my brain is like, Here we go. This happens a lot when I’m drunk but not as often when I’m sober.

Paul and I slept together only once. I met him at the Blind Pig when I was just nineteen. He was a dork, unlike any of the beefcake men I typically slept with. He was probably ten years older than me. I had no idea why he liked me, and I guess he didn’t. He was just drunk.

He was alone at a table, ordered a cheeseburger and a whiskey on the rocks, and told me his wife just had a baby and he was terrified. I comforted him like a good little waitress, and after my shift, we got drinks, then more drinks, then a hotel room.

When I woke up in the morning and he was gone, I was angry but not surprised. He was married and his wife had a newborn. I was hurt but I understood. I never felt as crazy with men as I did with women. Ever since my dad left, I didn’t expect much from them.

When I found out I was pregnant, I had no way to contact Paul. I didn’t know his last name or what he did for a living. I didn’t even know if he lived in Riverside. I figured he was visiting from out of town, maybe for some sort of nerd conference at the college, because I hadn’t run into him since. He looked like an out-of-towner because he wore tweed and was too pale for California.

When I arrive at the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, the manager is locking the door. They are closed. I have a small urge to kick the door but suppress it. I recall Exalted saying Leos have “Rage!!!!” She never responded to my email.

I turn around and walk home.

It is completely dark and getting cold, which I typically hate, but seeing Paul has filled me with a weird glimmer of hope. It feels like fate or something. I haven’t seen him in twenty-nine years, but I saw him today. And I am absolutely sure it was him. He has a specific way of walking—I remember that—almost like a limp.

The road is busy and loud, but my thoughts are louder. I puff an Ultra Light and wonder if Paul goes to that Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf often. I never really go there, but I can start going. I’m not sure what I will say to him.

I just know that I need to find him.

EMILY.