The fifth is “Won’t text you back for 5 hours.” Another thing I don’t miss. Tara was flighty. She would go out with her friends and completely forget about me. I hated that. Good riddance.

Sixth is “Will dump you out of the blue.” Another one that stings. I take a sharp drag of my cigarette and flip to Leo.

There is a photo of Madonna. Only a Leo could pull off the name Madonna.

The first trait is “Laughs on laughs on laughs.” True. I’m fun and I’m funny. And I don’t need to be sarcastic.

The second one is “Killer fashion advice.” Also true. I loved to take Tara shopping. She had a great body, and I would always encourage her to buy the most expensive dresses. She would pay, of course, but I would encourage her to buy things she normally wouldn’t. I picked out matching Juicy Couture tracksuits that we would wear around the house and feel like those Hilton sisters who were popular when my son was in high school.

The third is “Wants you to shine.” True again. She said I made her better.

The fourth is “Seductive as hell.” Exalted is so good at making me feel good about myself. I want to know more about her. I decide she must be a woman. Men aren’t this observant. I wonder again if she is single.

The fifth is “Rage!!!!” I hear Karen’s Honda Fit and crush my cigarette in an empty Red Bull can and start spraying Ralph perfume. I run over to the couch and twirl my toe ring. I try to remain calm. No rage tonight.

I open my phone again and decide to DM Exalted. She probably gets a lot of DMs, but maybe she will open mine. Maybe she will look at my profile and think I am sexy. Maybe we will fall in love. Maybe she will take me to the French Riviera.

EMILY.

We get to Thomas’s at around 8:00 P.M. As soon as we’re inside, he tries to kiss me. I pull away.

“First things first,” I say.

He flicks on a minimalist light tube thing on the floor. Everything in his apartment is stark and contemporary, Swedish looking, a glorified Ikea catalog. It’s bizarre being here, jolted back in time, to when I was younger and the world was slightly brighter, when I was making money and I had color in my face.

Thomas has a fancy record player like a real douchebag. He walks over, and I skip over to stop him in his tracks. At first he seems excited, like I’m making a move.

“I’ll pick,” I say to clarify.

I start flicking through the records, one embarrassingly over-hyped band after the next. Finally, I land on something I can stomach.

“Do you listen to anything other than Radiohead?” he asks when Kid A starts.