She smiled. Then her eyes narrowed, looking at me, and the smile went away from her face.

“What?” I said, laughing. “What did you see?”

“Nothing,” she said, and turned away. So I knew it was something.

“Something about me?” I asked.

“About us,” she said.

“I don’t want to know,” I told her.

“Good,” she said. “It’s stupid.”

“This place gets the best sunsets,” I said, pointing out over the riversea. The sky was painted in broad messy strokes of mauve and orange and blue gray. Ms. Jackson spoke softly from the radio around Maraud’s neck. New things to be afraid of, and to feel hopeful about.

“It does,” Ash said, and reached out her hand. I took it, and I held it.

I wanted certainty. Clarity. The belief that everything would be fine. That we’d be strong enough to survive whatever the future hit us with.

But life doesn’t give us those things. Anything could happen. New threats, sudden sicknesses, a slow change into someone new and different. Violent political uprisings. Irreconcilable interpersonal differences. Kaiju accidentally stomping half the city.

“We can do this,” I said.

Ash smiled, and then she said, “We can do this.”

Nothing is promised. Nothing is truly ours. All we ever really have is the moment we’re in—and in that moment, we had each other.

Acknowledgments

This book goes out to all the kids like me who had the normal trauma of high school made way worse by mental illness, who didn’t know how to get help or were afraid of what that would mean. You are magnificent. No matter what the world might say is wrong with you, know that you can and will have an incredible life full of joy and wonder and love and pain, just like everyone else.

Destroy All Monsters owes an awful lot to:

My magnificent agent, Seth Fishman, who always knows exactly when and how to calm me down or hype me up or set me straight.

My genius editor, Kristen Pettit, whose sense for story and voice and humor and the most efficient way to break hearts is unfailing.

Sensitivity reader Jen Larsen, whose wisdom and insight dramatically improved this narrative. Writers, take heed: Sensitivity readers make everyone better. Even when we’re writing #ownvoices fiction rooted in our own experiences, that’s still our own experience. Everyone is different, and getting other perspectives will only make your story stronger.

Bradley Silver of White Rabbit Tattoo, who put a big beautiful allosaurus on my body to celebrate this book. Amber Kline, for vital insights and amazing stories and a lifetime of so much laughter.