Then the sweetest grin spread across her precious face, and I saw those friggin’ dimples pop to life like little indentations of acceptance. Oh, my heart! And my goddamn lungs, because I could finally breathe again.

“Coooooool,” she said.

“Cool?” I confirmed, and she nodded as she crawled into my lap like she belonged there. And oh, did she ever belong there! My heart filled with pride and love and so many things I couldn’t describe, as my daughter—my daughter!—sat in my lap for the first time ever. One of my arms automatically wrapped protectively around her back, and my hand settled comfortably on her hip like I had been holding her for years.

Carrie reached up and touched my head. “I like your hair,” she said seriously. “It’s awesome.” I internally patted myself on the back for not going with the douchebag look. “And I loooooooove your shirt. Purple is my favorite color.”

“It is?” I asked, making a note of that.

“Yup, but it would be cooler if it was sparkly.” Then she gave a dramatic eye roll and said, “But Uncle Beau said boys don’t wear sparkly clothes.”

I laughed. “I’m going to have to agree with Uncle Beau on that one.”

“Hey, you wanna see my room?” she asked, climbing off my lap and leaving me with a slightly empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. I stood, and Carrie held her arms up, making little grabby motions with her hands until I picked her up. That empty feeling instantly subsided.

Who knew there was this huge empty spot inside me? A Carrie-sized spot.

A tiny furrow creased her forehead, and I had the overwhelming urge to fight armies and burn down cities or whatever the fuck else I had to do to take that frown away. “What’s wrong, baby girl?”

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to call you?” she asked in the sweetest of voices.

I gave her a gentle smile. “Well, what do you want to call me?”

She dipped her chin and looked up at me through her lashes, the hint of a smile on her perfect little mouth. “Can I call you Daddy?” she asked hopefully, and something inside me roared to life.

I rolled my lips together, breathing through my nose as I nodded. When I was able to speak, my voice was a little hoarse with restrained tears. “I would love that, baby girl,” I told her, kissing the soft skin of her forehead. She wrapped her little arms around my neck, her head on my shoulder, and I had to reach up and swipe away the stupid errant tears that had escaped down my cheeks.