I absorbed all the information about the day Carrie was born. The time, date, weather, doctor’s name, hospital name, Carrie’s weight and length. Blaire flipped the page, and I gasped, “Oh my God, Blaire.” I stared at the tiny little handprints and footprints. She tilted her head back and kissed my jaw.

“They look tiny on the page, but they’re actually pretty big for a newborn. She got her hands and feet from her daddy.”

Her daddy. My throat felt really thick, like I had swallowed a watermelon, so I didn’t speak. I just kissed Blaire’s lips softly.

The next page was a short family tree, but only the mother’s side was filled out. “We can add your info on here now if you want to.”

“Yes, please,” I said with a smile that felt like it took up my whole face. Blaire handed me a pen from the box, and I filled in my name and the names of my parents and grandparents. For some reason, it thrilled me that I got to write something in Carrie’s book in my own handwriting, like I was actually a part of all this aside from just the biological aspect.

I looked at every single milestone in the first year of my little girl’s life. All the firsts that I wasn’t there to see but that I was grateful Blaire had recorded. First bath, words, steps, teeth, haircut. There were tons of pictures of Carrie with Evan, Beau, and what I assumed were Beau’s buddies because they were some big motherfuckers. “There aren’t many pictures of you with Carrie,” I told Blaire.

“Yeah, I was a little self-conscious and didn’t like having my picture taken. I was right in the middle of med school, so I wasn’t eating right or exercising much. It took me almost a year to lose all the baby weight. Actually, I still haven’t lost it all. I have about five pounds I can’t seem to get rid of,” she said, wrinkling her nose at herself. That hit me straight in the chest, and I wished I had been there to tell her every single day how beautiful she was.

“I think you look perfect,” I told her honestly. “In fact, I think all five pounds are right here,” I said, putting my hands under her tits and hefting them, “and that makes me a happy boy.”

“Of course, you would notice that,” she said with a laugh. “I had to go up a bra size.”

“Just more for me to love.”