According to his profile, he was 25, from Chepstow, and a Sagittarius. We chatted back and forth, at first sober, testing-the-water messages like Where are you from? and What box-sets have you binged recently? but before long he was asking me my bra size and sending videos of him water-skiing with a Go-Pro attached to his cock. I didn’t send anything back – he had to make do with words for the time being.

Nevertheless, within hours, he was ravenous for me.

Fuckboyee: Babes we need to hook up. I’m gonna bury myself in you.

I had no intention of sleeping with him – my foof was still the last battered cod under the heat lamp – and though my soreness was subsiding, I’d apparently waved my libido goodbye at Southampton Docks. I just wanted Liam to test out a theory, the way Einstein needed chalk and a blackboard.

And the theory was this: if I could kill again, I could feel like my old self again. I’d get that familiar rippling inside, like Caro’s book had said. That dolphin-surge thrill of removing life from another’s body. If I could kill again, I could handle all the other stuff – the boring saddo fluffy pink Hilary stuff. I could make my heartache disappear.

Liam texted me at first light on the iPhone 4. At least some fucker was:

Fuckboyee: Good news, babes! I got two hours free this arvo. Where we meetin so I can sex u up? *tongue out emoji*

HillsHaveEyes69: Laguna Rosa? It’s pink – my fave colour!

Fuckboyee: Lol. Where dat?

I’d seen it advertised at the Excursions Desk and I knew it would be a good spot – a large pink-coloured lake, the kind of place Instagrammers go to risk their lives getting selfies. It looked romantic, quiet, and better still, unpoliced. I booked one of the last tickets for the afternoon tour.

HillsHaveEyes69: Torrevieja? Be so romantic *heart eyes emoji*

Fuckboyee: Ah yeah cool I heard of that. Be good for The Gram. I’ll GMap it. All rightee, see you there ’bout four-ish?

HillsHaveEyes69: Can’t waiteeeee *open-mouthed smile emoji*

Fuckboyee: Wait, have you got skins?

HillsHaveEyes69: I’m on the pill. U can cum as U are *blush emoji*

Fuckboyee: Fuck, I’ve got a semi on thinkin bout u! Can’t wait to smash that pastie! Catch u later baby *six lines of kisses* *aubergine emoji* *peach emoji* *heart emojis agogo*

HillsHaveEyes69: Catch u later babeee *smiling devil emoji*

I planned to stay on the ship until my excursion was called, maybe catch a morning stretch class, try out the zip wire or join in with the bean bag toss. Unfortunately, Fate had other plans again.

There came a knock on my cabin door – it was Gloria Prosser.

‘Hiya, you coming out to play? Jayde and Ryan have taken the kids to the water park so us oldies are hitting the shops. You’re welcome to join us.’