We were almost at the back steps to the sun terrace when they got in front of us. Raf squeezed my hand tighter and stepped in front of me.

‘Girl, come on, you got a twofer here. Where you going? Will you let us suck on those big titties?’

Hurr-hurr-hurr. In stereo. They proceeded to make suckling noises. I was strangely calm, God knows why.

Raf’s hackles were up. ‘Podrían cerrar la boca y tener un poco de respeto ese, huh?’

This only made them laugh louder. ‘OK, Beaner, whatever you say,’ said the blond.

‘Chinga Tu Madre!’ Raf yelled and spat on the ground before them. This only caused the red-haired one to unzip his fly and grab his package. He thrust it forward.

‘How about you watch us take your girl, cabrón? I’ll take the pink, and my boy here can take the stink. Then we switch.’

‘Yeah, let’s cuck the fucker!’ said Blondie.

‘Uh, do I get a say in any of this?’ I said, craning my neck around Raf’s broad shoulders. Hurrr-hurrr-hurrrrrrrrrrrr.

I was getting bored by this point. I did not want to fight – I just wanted to leave. I leaned into Raf. ‘Why don’t we go to my place and fuck each other’s brains out, hmm?’ I didn’t want to rise to their bait nor their flaccid penises which were, by this point, dangling quite openly in our general direction.

But Raf was steaming. ‘Yeah. Before I do something they’ll live to regret.’

We turned on our heels away from the hotel and towards the beach.

‘Hey, you gettin’ angry with us, pendejo?’

‘Keep walking,’ I said.

‘Girl, we’re not giving up on you!’

We headed down the steps to the beach. The walk seemed endless and made all the more difficult in the shifting sand, but after a short while, we couldn’t hear them anymore. Thought we’d lost them.

But they’d followed us. We got to the second set of steps along the beach and there they were, on the steps with their bottles, zips still undone.

‘Hey baby girl, where you been all my life?’ Hurr-hurr-hurr.

‘I’ve had enough of this,’ said Rafael, marching up the sand towards them and yanking the beer bottle out of the blond one’s hand, smashing it on the steps. The ginger one grabbed him to hold him back as the blond started punching him in the stomach.

By the time I got to them, Raf had straddled the blond on the ground and was punching his face as the redhead choked him in a headlock. My boy was fighting two guys at once – I’d never seen anything hotter. It was like live gay porn. Even so, I steamed in, picking up one of the bottles, and smashing the ginger guy over the head. Beer and blood spurted.

‘I got it!’ Rafael puffed as the ginge staggered backwards.